The one thing I never miss when I go to Goa is to stroll around the tinto at Calangute just to see the honeymoon couples shopping. Because nothing is more hilarious than seeing the guy being (or trying to be) all nice to the woman he's just married when you know that in his mind the only thing he's saying is something on the lines of -- buy whatever the hell you want quickly so we can go back to the room and have bludy sex!

But he will wait patiently while she checks out pair after pair of printed rubber chappals, some stupid over-priced top (and telling her you get those on Linking Road does nothing to stop her, so don't even bother), or worse - shell jewellery or some shit like that. I mean here's a guy who's looking forward to every minute of lovemaking possible, and you make him go shopping! That's plain cruel.

***

Yes I'm back. And I gotta tell you it's almost miraculous what three days of sun, sea and sand can do for you. I feel rejuvenated, the aches and pains have all disappeared, and yep I'm ready once again to kick the world wherever it needs kicking.

The weather gods were with us the first three days and Palolem was wonderful with it's fine golden sand and pretty firang wimmen (surprising they even come at this time). On day four though it started to pour ruining our plan to go to Agonda, so we packed it up and headed back North before leaving to come home. But it's something I've decided to do every few months going forward - a trip to Goa. I thoroughly recommend it ... works wonders for me anyway.

Pics up on my Facebook for those who wanna see. BFN.

Planning a trip they say is fun. But not when you're watching Rakhi ka Swayamvar at the same time. Then all the fun comes from watching Rakhi and no planning gets done.

Which is what happened Sunday afternoon when me and the chaps met up. Blame it on Rakhi because as things stand now nobody has any idea where we're gonna go, what we're gonna do, and more importantly where we're gonna stay. Some very surprised looks were shot back at me when I mentioned the word reservation. They were like - OMG, he's lost it! Dude we can pitch our tent on the side of the road if there's nowhere to sleep! What are you, a girl??

Anyway the plan, if you can call it that, is to go South. Problem is we're all Northerners, and the North is all we know. So if any of you know South Goa well please suggest some good places. The guys all seem to be members of the 'we'll see when we get there' club, but not me. I need to know where I'm going.

***

As for Rakhi and her Swayamvar, how much do you reckon madam is getting paid to do this shit? If the ratings are anything to go by, I'd say her years of stuggle will soon come to an end.

ROFL moment of the day was when that moron from Nagpur kept asking her all those questions about her past 'n stuff (who she's screwed to be exact). At which our man Ally goes: Dude only thing left now is for him to check her hymen!

Goin' country with the Bellamy Brothers. This one called Old Hippie, which is what I think I'm slowly turning into.

The one problem I always had making things with my Lego was that whenever I built something really big and grand it would use up all my bricks. I'd keep admiring it proudly for some days and then I'd tear it down, so that I could build something new. I'd tell myself that one day I'd create my masterpiece, after which I'd never have to build anything ever again. That day never came.

I think it's the same with people and lives. Some of us constantly need to be building something new. Otherwise we get bored. Others are quite content with what they have, never feeling the need to do anything different. People in the first category often end up hurting the ones they love, but that doesn't necessarily make them bad people. That's just how they are.

But people in the second category, those who love that sense of permanence, do not understand how those in the first can be so destructive. To them it seems crazy that someone would want to destroy everything that took so long to build. It does not make sense.

Like it does not make sense when a husband decides to go off with another woman, or when a wife decides to have an affair. Who is wrong and who is right and who decides where the boundary between the two lies. Something I have spent much time thinking over. Was she wrong to leave me for someone else? Or did I decide it was wrong.

***

Johnny Van Zant and Lynyrd Skynyrd. For our Michelle on her birthday tomorrow. And for all y'all folks out there who like her have been too long away from home.

Giving my sadness a name. Matt Butcher sounds so much like Al Stewart. And the girl - oh I love her - a cross between Bonnie Raitt and Emmylou Harris. And that tattoo she's got, now that's what I call body-art, not some butterfly hidden away in your underwear!

Watch the video on YouTube or take a listen on Grooveshark (Thanks once more ~N, can't tell you how much I love that site) or right here on the Blues (the only mp3 I could find).

***

My friend and blogger, the wonderful Clem "Bandra Bugger" Desylva needs all the votes he can get to see him behind the wheel of a brand new Mitsubishi Cedia (wish I could have said said Land Rover, but still) on The Great Driving Challenge. Voting closes today, so hurry! And you can be sure he'll have plenty of stories to tell us in his very own inimitable style. Go Clem!

The boys and I (with one girl) head off to Goa next weekend. I haven't been to Goa in the rains since I was a kid, but what the hell - with the right company it don't matter a helluva lot, yeah?

Cheers then and do vote for Clem.

Matt Butcher and Olivia Wynne ... Giving my sadness a name.

The 4th of July. Big weekend in America. Wonder if my brother'll be driving down to Bristol to see the parade.

And it was a big week for freedom - gay freedom rather - here in India.

At my cousins place the other evening when all of this was breaking news her 9 year old daughter looked away from the TV and went- Mummy what's a gay?

Errrm... gays are people who are - different!

Different in what way?

Different meaning they like different things (in a tone that said- Now shut up about it!)

So it's not bad to be a gay

(somewhat hesitantly) ...Errrm no, not at all.

But how do you know if you're a gay. What if I'm gay?

(at which my cousin nearly freaked. I could see it on her face!)

No-No you are not gay.

But I like... **

Have you finished learning that Marathi poem? Go now and do it.

** it's a pity she couldn't finish that sentence.

***

But now that gay sex/love/rocknroll is not a crime anymore I reckon many other parents gonna be faced with such uncomfortable questions. Till such time as it's making the news anyway.

And what about all those unfortunate homosexuals who were forced to get married to people of the opposite gender? There's one such chap in my office, got married just a couple months ago ... on Fridays you see him in pink shirts and red belts with white socks and funny looking pants. What about them? Will they be ditching their spouses to go after the first homo they can get their hands on? I wonder.

***

All beast women's final at Wimbledon today. Very uninteresting for most male viewers I'd imagine. Yeah, we like it when the pretty girls play.

Edie Brickell with an old Bob Dylan original. From the soundtrack to the movie Born on the Fourth of July where Tommy Cruise put in his best performance ever I think, and in which Edie actually sang this song in one scene - A hard rain's a-gonna fall. Which is what the forecast for this weekend is. Y'know, some people like the rains ... I like those dry spells in-between. What does that say about me?

There was a stud called Shiney
who quite fancied his housemaids hiney
When the moment was right he grabbed her tight
and gave her more than just a fright

But somehow I feel there's more to it than has come to light. Though he's confessed (you'd be singing like a canary too if faced with the prospect of Sub Inspector Gandmare aka "The Can Opener" shoving his lathi, the one made of wood, up your arse) the pieces don't quite fit. Why would a guy force himself on some maid (and they're all big bludy crooks let me tell you) when there are plenty wimmen out there who wouldn't mind forcing themselves on him! It may take a while but I suspect the truth will come out, as his stalwart wife kept saying repeatedly on IBN last night.

***

We're sorry, but we're down on form, says MS Dhoni
all these matches one after another ain't funny
Please understand - we do it all for you, dear fan
and in a small part for the munny

Too much cricket, you say? That's what we thought as well Moolah Singh! Don't the players have any say at all? Otherwise just ask for a rest like Sachin wisely has. But don't go out there and play like shit and expect us to feel sorry for you. Because we don't.

***

Go not to the US of A
if healthy, a little less wealthy, and fine is how you wanna stay
For though that may be the land of milk and honey
if you catch the flu things won't be sunny

A travel advisory was issued this week by the Govt of India (which is a first I think) for countries severely affected by the swine flu, in particular the United States. What I'd be very interested to know is how many Indians actually cancel their travel plans to the US in light of this advisory. We are quite fearless like that.

And what about those Indians coming from the States on holiday and such? Why not urge them to stay put? They're the ones who started this in the first place.

***

Too many cooks who hadn't read their books
is what screwed things up on 26/11
But what use is knowing the facts
if nobody gets off their ass and acts

As far as we can tell it's case closed. We'll just have to see when the next terror attack comes, God forbid, if our people in power are better prepared. I seriously doubt it.

***

Bonnie Tyler. For those of you who like me were born in the 70's (or thereabouts), grew up in the 80's, and miss those rocking years - It's a heartache. Don't you just love that voice!

Caption this :)

***

From his Greatest Hits album Actual Miles here's Don Henley with a Leonard Cohen original - Everybody Knows. Love the lyrics on this one. Nice weekend.

Do you mind being seen alone with a married woman?

It's more the other way around. I should be asking you.

I don't care what anybody thinks or says. There is no love, you know. Never was. I grew up in a place called Bhilai, guess you've heard of it ... famous for its steel plant. A girl there doesn't have too many choices. They married me off to a man I knew nothing about and had nothing in common with. I was only 24, wanted to do so much more, go places, but they wouldn't let me.

That's a common story I guess for girls from those parts.

Yes and people expect us to be all goody two-shoes like we're from another planet or something. You probably were surprised to see me drinking at the party.

No, not really.

I enjoy a drink sometimes, just like you guys do. I wish I could keep a few beers in the fridge at home, relax, put my feet up, watch a movie on weekends, but he would freak. I have to be the good wife at all times.

Would you ever consider having an affair?

Gosh, are you always this direct with people? I don't know. He's not to blame for who he is. It's just the way he's been brought up. It's the only way he knows. It's not that I want to cheat on him, I just wish... I just wish he'd lighten up a little. I earn as much as he does, I wish he wouldn't treat me like part of the furniture. I wish we'd have a life.

The way I see it you can either love the life you're living or live the life you love. It's that simple.

Nothing is that simple. Making one or the other choice requires taking some very difficult decisions. Decisions that involve others, not just yourself.

So basically you're a girl who wants to keep the life she's got because she's too scared or couldn't be bothered to do anything about it, but who would like to have a little fun on the side every now and then, is that what you're saying?

Fun? I hate it when you guys use that word with reference to us, like we're all a bunch of tramps or something. I just want a friend, someone I can talk to .... someone who's sweet and kind like you, with no hang-ups.

Sweet and kind?? I can be quite a brute let me assure you.

Ya I've seen that. You behave like such a goonda around those bachchas in your team.

Ha! You have to. Give them an inch and they'll take a mile. You gotta show them who's boss from Day 1. But you know, there's something I gotta tell you.

You think I'm hot. Everyone in office knows that.

No, not that. What I wanted to say was every time I see you there's this song that plays in my head. By the Eagles it's called Lying Eyes.

They give me away, huh?

Completely.

Can we talk about something else, please. Friend talk.

That's how it starts you know - friends.

It's important to know where to draw the line.

Lines are usually drawn in chalk.

You have an answer for everything! What do people like us do then? What do people like us do? We know somethings got to change, and we want it so bad, but-

There used to be this little ad that would appear almost every day in the GDN which read: Sad, suicidal, lost? Call the Befrienders. When you're a kid you wonder who would actually call. To you it would seem odd that anybody could be so sad, so suicidal, or so lost to want to pick up the phone and talk to some stranger for comfort.

Funny how things change with time. Because when you're sad, suicidal or lost, nobody is a stranger.

Why are the Aussies, the Queensland University of Technology to be precise, so keen to confer the BIG-B with that honorary doctorate of theirs, I don't understand. I mean just look at this - it's ridiculous! Which self-respecting Aussie would do that? Not me! Why don't they just cut the niceties and say what they would have said had the situation been slightly different -- You know what mate, you don't want our doctorate, PISS OFF!

And we are calling the Aussies racist - we, who are the most racist people on earth! It really is a joke. Because there is no one more racist than us Indians. We are divided on everything there is to be divided on ... and if there isn't you can bet your ass we'll find something.

***

Sad to hear about that Air France plane that crashed in the middle of the Atlantic. Not a single Indian on board, which is strange. But if there was, what do you think would be the first thing most people back home would want to know? Yes of course - where was he from, and more importantly - what was he! Oh, Gujarati? Never mind, one less!.

Fleetwood Mac - Tusk. Don't ask me why it's called that.