There was a stud called Shiney
who quite fancied his housemaids hiney
When the moment was right he grabbed her tight
and gave her more than just a fright

But somehow I feel there's more to it than has come to light. Though he's confessed (you'd be singing like a canary too if faced with the prospect of Sub Inspector Gandmare aka "The Can Opener" shoving his lathi, the one made of wood, up your arse) the pieces don't quite fit. Why would a guy force himself on some maid (and they're all big bludy crooks let me tell you) when there are plenty wimmen out there who wouldn't mind forcing themselves on him! It may take a while but I suspect the truth will come out, as his stalwart wife kept saying repeatedly on IBN last night.

***

We're sorry, but we're down on form, says MS Dhoni
all these matches one after another ain't funny
Please understand - we do it all for you, dear fan
and in a small part for the munny

Too much cricket, you say? That's what we thought as well Moolah Singh! Don't the players have any say at all? Otherwise just ask for a rest like Sachin wisely has. But don't go out there and play like shit and expect us to feel sorry for you. Because we don't.

***

Go not to the US of A
if healthy, a little less wealthy, and fine is how you wanna stay
For though that may be the land of milk and honey
if you catch the flu things won't be sunny

A travel advisory was issued this week by the Govt of India (which is a first I think) for countries severely affected by the swine flu, in particular the United States. What I'd be very interested to know is how many Indians actually cancel their travel plans to the US in light of this advisory. We are quite fearless like that.

And what about those Indians coming from the States on holiday and such? Why not urge them to stay put? They're the ones who started this in the first place.

***

Too many cooks who hadn't read their books
is what screwed things up on 26/11
But what use is knowing the facts
if nobody gets off their ass and acts

As far as we can tell it's case closed. We'll just have to see when the next terror attack comes, God forbid, if our people in power are better prepared. I seriously doubt it.

***

Bonnie Tyler. For those of you who like me were born in the 70's (or thereabouts), grew up in the 80's, and miss those rocking years - It's a heartache. Don't you just love that voice!

Caption this :)

***

From his Greatest Hits album Actual Miles here's Don Henley with a Leonard Cohen original - Everybody Knows. Love the lyrics on this one. Nice weekend.

Do you mind being seen alone with a married woman?

It's more the other way around. I should be asking you.

I don't care what anybody thinks or says. There is no love, you know. Never was. I grew up in a place called Bhilai, guess you've heard of it ... famous for its steel plant. A girl there doesn't have too many choices. They married me off to a man I knew nothing about and had nothing in common with. I was only 24, wanted to do so much more, go places, but they wouldn't let me.

That's a common story I guess for girls from those parts.

Yes and people expect us to be all goody two-shoes like we're from another planet or something. You probably were surprised to see me drinking at the party.

No, not really.

I enjoy a drink sometimes, just like you guys do. I wish I could keep a few beers in the fridge at home, relax, put my feet up, watch a movie on weekends, but he would freak. I have to be the good wife at all times.

Would you ever consider having an affair?

Gosh, are you always this direct with people? I don't know. He's not to blame for who he is. It's just the way he's been brought up. It's the only way he knows. It's not that I want to cheat on him, I just wish... I just wish he'd lighten up a little. I earn as much as he does, I wish he wouldn't treat me like part of the furniture. I wish we'd have a life.

The way I see it you can either love the life you're living or live the life you love. It's that simple.

Nothing is that simple. Making one or the other choice requires taking some very difficult decisions. Decisions that involve others, not just yourself.

So basically you're a girl who wants to keep the life she's got because she's too scared or couldn't be bothered to do anything about it, but who would like to have a little fun on the side every now and then, is that what you're saying?

Fun? I hate it when you guys use that word with reference to us, like we're all a bunch of tramps or something. I just want a friend, someone I can talk to .... someone who's sweet and kind like you, with no hang-ups.

Sweet and kind?? I can be quite a brute let me assure you.

Ya I've seen that. You behave like such a goonda around those bachchas in your team.

Ha! You have to. Give them an inch and they'll take a mile. You gotta show them who's boss from Day 1. But you know, there's something I gotta tell you.

You think I'm hot. Everyone in office knows that.

No, not that. What I wanted to say was every time I see you there's this song that plays in my head. By the Eagles it's called Lying Eyes.

They give me away, huh?

Completely.

Can we talk about something else, please. Friend talk.

That's how it starts you know - friends.

It's important to know where to draw the line.

Lines are usually drawn in chalk.

You have an answer for everything! What do people like us do then? What do people like us do? We know somethings got to change, and we want it so bad, but-

There used to be this little ad that would appear almost every day in the GDN which read: Sad, suicidal, lost? Call the Befrienders. When you're a kid you wonder who would actually call. To you it would seem odd that anybody could be so sad, so suicidal, or so lost to want to pick up the phone and talk to some stranger for comfort.

Funny how things change with time. Because when you're sad, suicidal or lost, nobody is a stranger.

Why are the Aussies, the Queensland University of Technology to be precise, so keen to confer the BIG-B with that honorary doctorate of theirs, I don't understand. I mean just look at this - it's ridiculous! Which self-respecting Aussie would do that? Not me! Why don't they just cut the niceties and say what they would have said had the situation been slightly different -- You know what mate, you don't want our doctorate, PISS OFF!

And we are calling the Aussies racist - we, who are the most racist people on earth! It really is a joke. Because there is no one more racist than us Indians. We are divided on everything there is to be divided on ... and if there isn't you can bet your ass we'll find something.

***

Sad to hear about that Air France plane that crashed in the middle of the Atlantic. Not a single Indian on board, which is strange. But if there was, what do you think would be the first thing most people back home would want to know? Yes of course - where was he from, and more importantly - what was he! Oh, Gujarati? Never mind, one less!.

Fleetwood Mac - Tusk. Don't ask me why it's called that.

The way I see it there are two possibilities -- Either I have attained a higher state of being or I have gone completely mad.

Not knowing which of the two applies to me is what's really a bummer.

***

I was at the barbers getting a shave at the hands of the very adept and handsome Shahid Kapoor (I call him that because he resembles the actor) thinking about this friend of mine who recently got engaged when something of a Khalil Gibranish thought popped into my head which I'm going to share with you. Don't laugh.

On Marriage-

When a man sweltering under the desert sun finds a shade he does not look to see what kind of tree it is. We marry more for the shade than for the tree.

:)

***

Can't believe we're nearly half way through 2009. Scary how time flies. We're getting older faster than we know.

Neil Young.