So the Pakis have very cleverly managed to sideline all issues relating to dialogue and bilateral mumbo-jumbo by shifting everyone’s attention to their new babe Foreign Minister! Because the truth is they don’t want dialogue – they want Kashmir, and whatever else they can get their hands on. As for their choice of young lady, we have to say, bravo! South Block must not have seen so much excitement in years!

The press as always is the first to be distracted. I can just imagine the scene at the joint press conference when it happens:

Madam, can you tell us in brief your foreign policy on India?

In brief, it is not to let the Indians into my territory.

But what if they manage to sneak in and infiltrate your sensitive installations??

I can assure you all sensitive installations are well protected. Penetration attempts of any kind will be met with swift action!

…. But the Americans penetrate at will!

Do not compare yourselves to the Americans. They are a lot bigger than you!!

***

Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara. When a guy decides to surprise a girl by proposing marriage, as we so often see in the movies, how does he know beforehand if the ring will fit? And in ZNMD the ring that he buys for his mother slides effortlessly on to his girlfriend’s finger! I wonder.

But the worst part of the whole movie – or should I say the most depressing - is when Katrina (who looks so gorgeous you want to reach out and grab her ... in a nice way of course!) rides off on a Bullet behind their car and then proceeds to kiss that reptile Roshan smack on the mouth. Ewww!

Apart from being a visual treat (I can see a whole bunch of rich Delhi/Chandigarh types and possibly even the more thrifty Mumbaikar already booking their tickets to Spain), ZNMD does nothing but to promote tourism in what is a near bankrupt country, and gives us delusions of how wonderful life would be if we risked it all and 'just did it'. But where's the sense in showing a bunch of rich folk doing this? They've got nothing to bludy lose! Show me instead a hard working, loan paying, average everyday Joe who says to hell with everything, and just goes out and does what he has always wanted to do, and I will applaud louder than all the crowds at the Tomatina put together.

From The Historical Conquests of Josh Ritter, this is Right Moves.

Frankly I have to say I’m a little disappointed that Aamir Khan, from whom we’ve come to expect more (given that the rest of our filmmakers barring one or two are all a bunch of idiots) would decide to dive into what I call the 'Tapori humour' genre. But judging by the hoards of (presumably intelligent) people queuing up outside cinemas to get a piece of the action, I’d say business-wise at least he has made a good decision.

Watching the trailer you know just what to expect – a ridiculously contrived plot, buffoonery, and crass, sometimes juvenile humour passing off for comedy. But when you have audiences that will laugh at practically anything, it works. In fact I reckon If I got up and cracked a joke while the movie was running, people would laugh at that too.

And have you noticed how in almost every so-called Hindi comedy there has to be a trigger event where something gets inter-changed with something else or passes into the wrong hands – be it money, jewels, a human being even, or in this case - shit! Without that mix-up nothing happens. I wonder why.

As the name of the movie itself suggests, its makers had no clue what to call it. Smelly Potty might have worked just as well!

***

I need to buy a new phone. The thought did cross my mind to buy one of those ugly black contraptions everyone seems to have these days but I will not let myself be 'Blackburied', no matter how handy those damn things are.

Even if they’re handy, are they value for money? Because really there is no greater satisfaction than getting value for money. And that’s the problem: most manufacturers will never give you value for money. Because then you will end up being satisfied for longer than they’d like. Which is not good for business.

***

My first post published using Windows Live Writer. Which is pretty cool, I think. Not everything Microsoft makes is bad!

Here’s a track that came pre-loaded with my new laptop - from a band that call themselves Assembly of Dust (wonder if they had naming issues similar to the makers of Delhi Belly). Featuring banjo maestro Béla Fleck this is Edges.