After seeing how he'd become the object of much teasing in the office in recent days, I said to the guy called Ramalinga Raju-- Why not change it for some time to Rajalinga Ramu? Not too much of a hassle really ... cuz you'd be leaving the Ling where it is and just moving Rama and Raju around. He didn't seem to get the humour.

But seriously, Satyam- who would have thought huh? Who's next I wonder - Infosys, Wipro? And now the government has stepped in to bail them out. Which is both a good and a bad thing. Good because we know that if the next one to go under is the company we're working for it's not all curtains for us. Bad because it sends out the wrong (or the right, whichever way you look at it) message to all the other aspiring Ramalingas out there. And God knows how many there are.

***

Slumdog Millionaire. Start with what's a slumdog? I think it's important that the makers of the film clarify. Because from what I've read there's a very real danger that people outside of India watching the movie might somehow be inclined to call us all slumdogs. Just think- the Indian Street in Edison, NJ (actually they're almost all Indian streets there) could end up getting called Slumdog Avenue! Hell, the state of New Jersey itself could well go from being the Garden to 'The Slumdog State'.

But don't you just love Freida (Pinto)? Yeah, she's pretty, isn't she? I tell you I'm gonna watch that damn movie just for her. And I'm not saying that cuz she's one of us*.

*Actually she's Mangy but that's ok ... we'll make a concession here.

***

My first weekend off this New Year. I feel like doing something ... have a few drinks with the boys, maybe go out to town, I don't know. Anything but sit here and blog.

Jack Johnson and Ben Harper. Tell me how you like the vocals on this one .... High Tide or Low Tide.

I watched Rock On last night. Finally! Right here on my home PC. It could have been a much better movie I think, but it does a good enough job of giving the audience a glimpse of what music does to your soul if you are really passionate about it. If I could I'd quit my job right this minute, buy a new guitar and sing for whoever wanted to listen. But sometimes I wonder which is worse - having too many who want to sing or too few who want to listen.

***

The girl who plays Joe's wife Debbie - what's her name?* - she's brilliant as the Mac wife, totally the part. Reminded me of my mom when she says to him: "You're taking up the job and that's all!" When they say that you know it's end of discussion. And then when she goes: "I wanted to be a fashion designer, but now look at me- I'm working in your goddamn family's fish business!" LOL I love it when our wimmen swear!

There's just one thing wrong though - Mac families don't speak Hindi at home. English dialogues between Joe and Debbie (with Hindi subtitles) would have been much more convincing. The whole film in fact lacked that touch of reality, which is what I felt could have made it an awesome movie. You need to make a story look real.

You know I'm thinking- What if I write a screenplay and send it to Farhan Akhtar? If he likes it and decides to make the movie, I could quit my damn job and do what I really wanna.

I am this close to buying a Bullet btw. Big silver beast with Windancer II painted on the tank.

Yeah, it's all in the head at the moment.

*Shahana Goswami's her name. And she went to Sophia's, so no wonder.

***

Kick off the New Year with this blast from the past from Blondie & Deborah Harry. This a belated birthday dedication to Yashita.

One of the perks (if you can call it that) of travelling these inter-city Volvo buses is you get to watch some of them Bollywood movies you would never see otherwise. And that's how this time I happened to see Rab - or rather Aditya Chopra - Ne Bana Di one crapload of a movie. Masand is right when he uses the word 'contrived'. And I'd say it's unfair to call it a modern day fairytale, because fairytales come with a message or a moral. This one comes with nothing - just one very sweet looking Punjabi kudi. And I can understand that there might be a Punjabi kudi dumb enough not to recognize her own husband after a makeover, but when that husband happens to be Shahrukh Khan, it just cannot be. Because along with the hair, the clothes and the mousche, he'd have to get himself one heck of a nose job!

***

Last day of the year. I hope '09 delivers on everything '08 couldn't - for you personally, and for the world and mankind in general. As for me I hope to put more effort into my music, pick up another degree, and just be a better person than I was this year. Also maybe travel a little.

As for the Blues, yeah I think we'll be around.

Close it with the Blues Brothers. Cheers!

Yeah, I think our Parvathykutty should have won it; not some Playboy bunny looking Ruskie. I was joking with JC that being Mallu all she had to do if she didn't know the answer to some trick bludy question was say, "simmbly!". JC wasn't amused.

So what will kutty do for werld peace? Act in a few Borellywood filims, of course. Then what? Then she will gett maerried, no ... to some richh enRI doecter in Dubeii. LOL!*

... And I hope Kerala Chief Minister whatshisname is not thinking of visiting her home in Bombay. You never know.

Johnny be good Fogerty ... luvvit! Nice Sunday.



* Sorry. Spent so many years with them growing up, I can't resist doing the accent.

Now this is something every guy needs ... something I've been looking for a long time. Big thank you to our girl S for the link. Can't wait to try the Baingan Patiala ... looks very tempting!

***

OK - Been a while, hasn't it? Yeah. The Rao's and Patil's have lost their seats, the BJP has lost Rajasthan, and we have a finance man in the Home Ministry. Wouldn't surprise me one bit if he throws in a Security Cess next budget .... if only to upgrade the NSG from a bunch of SWAT men into real anti-terrorist commandos. I was shocked, at the same time slightly amused, to see them talking away to the media and taking photos of themselves on their mobile phones outside the Taj. Killing a vastly outnumbered enemy after they have taken the lives of 200 people is not a victory really. And lets face it- this round they won. They had the balls to take on the collective strength of our police and defence forces in the heart of our nations financial capital with the kind of bravery, however misplaced, I wish we'd see in more of our policemen, not the kind of cowardice they displayed at the CST.

Another reason I say they've won is because at the entrance to a mall today I saw people being frisked, bags being checked and what not. Suspects in our own country is what we've become. I didn't see any bags being checked or people being frisked in America, except at the airports ... so why's it happening here? Because the government cannot be trusted to do its job, that's why. Something that became very evident to me as I was boarding my Delta flight to New York this September. After going though all the security checks at Bombay airport I was surprised to see a bunch of 7 to 8 Delta ground staff positioned near the entrance to the aircraft waiting to check us and our carry-on luggage again. And I gotta tell you the sight of them with their rubber gloves had me scared somebody might stick their hand up my bum! Thankfully that didn't happen, but they did put their hands all the way down into our bags and frisk us thoroughly, even going to the extent of feeling the insides of our shoes.

Anyway, it is what it is. Something we just gotta live with I guess. Been a crazy week at work ... so much to finish before the holidays. Our man NBZ will be down in a couple of days and then there's the wedding happening (not mine). Really looking forward to all the festivities. The friend of a friend who was shot at the Taj is doing ok, btw. Bullet's been taken out and he's home from hospital.

***

Shahrukh's new movie is crap I hear, don't watch it. Have you seen how he's been doing the rounds of all the news channels condemning the Jihadis and in a way trying to tell everybody what a good Muslim he is? Yes dude, we know you're a good Muslim, even though I bet if given the chance you'd happily shoot Salman in the ass!

Bowie and Queen ... Under Pressure.

And now the city has the weekend to recover. The TV crews looked like they could use a rest too.

On Monday it will be BAU. Couple of weeks from now it will be LAU (Life as usual). And to our well-wishers in the US and elsewhere who considered some of the things I/other readers said inappropriate or hurtful, please excuse us. We shall try our best not to get killed.

***

A friend of a friend working at the Taj has been shot and is quite bad. Add to that the trauma of seeing two of his colleagues in the kitchen fall to a random spray of bullets. They did not even spare the women. The list of casualties will be out soon. In it you may see/recognize somebody you know. Too bad for them ... someone should have told them to stay safe.

Like I said in an email to a friend just now- Not all of us have choices. Many of us have just to go with what we're given, even if it's not a lot.

Peace, love, and wounds that heal.

56 bludy hours!

I'm slouched on the sofa watching the news half in my sleep when all of a sudden I jump on seeing the headline "Rabbi, wife found dead at Nariman House". OMG! Rabbi and his wife have been killed, I say to JC. And she laughs her head off for the first time in two days. It's not Rabbi the singer, idiot ... it's a Jewish Rabb-i. Holy shit, I'm glad Rabbi ain't dead!

But seriously, I agree with Rupa when she says we need the help of the Mossad. Those sonsofguns would have wrapped this up in no time. Not many people know that it was actually the Mossad that helped set up the NSG in the mid 80's (no, you won't find it in the Wiki ... top secret). Which is another reason why India never could take too tough a stand on Israeli action in Palestine.

And where is Raj? He's not hiding, is he? Show yourself O brave Maratha warrior! Your city you've fought so hard to rid of the pestilence of North Indian taxi drivers and vegetable vendors needs you now. I guess we'll hear from him in about 2 1/2months from now, when it's safe for his army of chicken-shit losers to swoop down on anyone buying a Valentines card.

Man- it's 5 in the morning and I better call it a night. Hopefully when I get up tomorrow this will all be over.

But it's only just begun.

Y'know, we need to change ourselves first. Put our own house in order. There are people among us who are guilty of worse crimes against humanity than all these Fidayeen put together. Some of them even occupy positions of power. After the riots in '93 I was talking to a relative who lives at Nesbit Road in Mazagon and he described to me how Hindu death squads went house to house with swords and choppers looking for Muslims to kill. One story was particularly moving - of the night a family with two children running for their lives appeared at their door imploring of them to hide them in their house, which they did - under the beds and in cupboards, risking their own lives. They were even killing children. If you were Muslim you had to die. And the cops positioned just down the street did nothing. He told me he even saw some policemen telling the death squads where they could find Muslims to chop up. The Srikrishna Commission brought many of these cops to justice, but we as a people have not changed. And that is the first thing we need to do to make this country better.

I didn't see the media out day and night when our Christian brotheren were being massacred in Orissa. Why?

We need to change ourselves first.

***

I will not get into debates or discussions on who is right or wrong or who is to blame. Sure, it is the job of the government to ensure the safety of all its citizens and here our government has failed us time and again, but when its citizens themselves are divided that job becomes so much harder. I'd say the main reason the United states has not had a large scale terror attack after 9/11 is because its people are united - in spirit and in purpose. But travel across to Baghdad and the same mighty United States has struggled to maintain law and order and control insurgency. Internal divisions are what kills a country.

The city of Mumbai as they say will bounce back. But in order to bounce back one thing is very essential - the need to forget. And that's something we Indians have become very good at. To my knowledge there is not a sinlgle memorial to the victims of past terror attacks anywhere in the city like there is in New York. Why? Because in spite of everything we tell ourselves the truth is that we as a nation just don't care.

Is anybody surprised? I for sure am not. But after hearing news reports that armed lunatics entered Bombay by sea in boats all the way from Karachi I can't help asking the question: What was the Indian Coast Guard doing? And considering there's also a huge contingent of the Indian Navy based in Colaba, I wonder how even they didn't spot something suspicious entering our waters. Oh I forgot - they have more important things to do at the moment, like chasing Somali pirates in the Gulf of Aden.

How could we let this happen, seriously?

"ATS Chief Hemant Karkare killed" -- Who did he think he was - Rambo? You need effective intelligence and a good security infrastructure to prevent things like this happening. I do not want my tax money spent on getting us pictures of the goddamn moon ... spend it instead on making our cities safe, is what I'll say to PM Manmohan Singh.

And that's about all I want to say right now. My blood is boiling.

One more thing - Those of you sitting snug there in the US and elsewhere around the world please don't tell us to "stay safe". Come back here and you'll know how hard it is to stay safe.

Y'know, it's a guy thing to brag. Especially when you haven't scored in that long. Which is why I'm guessing this piece of news made the front-page headline story in todays Times of India. From what I understand the boys of the Indian Navy haven't had any real action since 1971. That's 37 long years - too long for those guns to remain in their holsters (self testing does not count). And so they can be pardoned for going all out at even the slightest opportunity.

But I wouldn't go bragging about it if I were them. I mean when you're a hundred and twenty five metres long* it really is not a matter of pride to say you went all guns blazing after something that looks like this.

* which is the length of the INS Nabar

***

Fats gets wedded this Saturday. Tomorrow evening there is what we Goans call the Ros - traditionally done with coconut milk and haldi, but now modernised to include everything from beer to masala-dosa mix to even rotten eggs in extreme cases. The idea is to get the groom as messed up as possible, the reasoning behind which I've never quite understood. Not that it matters - I'm just going there to get sloshed and devour the sorpotel.

The bachelor party happened the day before with all the usual male masti. And Fats I have to say didn't look too presentable in a black fishnet bra and thong panties**, even though the bra fitted him quite well, what with the man-boobs and all. Certainly not the sight I'd like to present to my virgin bride on her wedding night!

But I'm curious to know (more because it's something you can't ask) -- What generally goes through a girls mind on that first night (assuming she's a first timer of course)? Is it a mix of excitement and nervousness, or is it more on the lines of- Oh God, here he comes!

** supposedly to symbolize the fact that she will be wearing the pants from now on!

***

The Mirror today reveals that the man who at the height of his power had nearly the whole of Europe by the balls was missing one himself. Wonder how he'd have reacted if some flight attendant had made the mistake of saying, "Excuse me Herr Führer, would you like some nuts?"

Edie & the New Bohemians ... What I am.