Yeah, I think our Parvathykutty should have won it; not some Playboy bunny looking Ruskie. I was joking with JC that being Mallu all she had to do if she didn't know the answer to some trick bludy question was say, "simmbly!". JC wasn't amused.

So what will kutty do for werld peace? Act in a few Borellywood filims, of course. Then what? Then she will gett maerried, no ... to some richh enRI doecter in Dubeii. LOL!*

... And I hope Kerala Chief Minister whatshisname is not thinking of visiting her home in Bombay. You never know.

Johnny be good Fogerty ... luvvit! Nice Sunday.



* Sorry. Spent so many years with them growing up, I can't resist doing the accent.

Now this is something every guy needs ... something I've been looking for a long time. Big thank you to our girl S for the link. Can't wait to try the Baingan Patiala ... looks very tempting!

***

OK - Been a while, hasn't it? Yeah. The Rao's and Patil's have lost their seats, the BJP has lost Rajasthan, and we have a finance man in the Home Ministry. Wouldn't surprise me one bit if he throws in a Security Cess next budget .... if only to upgrade the NSG from a bunch of SWAT men into real anti-terrorist commandos. I was shocked, at the same time slightly amused, to see them talking away to the media and taking photos of themselves on their mobile phones outside the Taj. Killing a vastly outnumbered enemy after they have taken the lives of 200 people is not a victory really. And lets face it- this round they won. They had the balls to take on the collective strength of our police and defence forces in the heart of our nations financial capital with the kind of bravery, however misplaced, I wish we'd see in more of our policemen, not the kind of cowardice they displayed at the CST.

Another reason I say they've won is because at the entrance to a mall today I saw people being frisked, bags being checked and what not. Suspects in our own country is what we've become. I didn't see any bags being checked or people being frisked in America, except at the airports ... so why's it happening here? Because the government cannot be trusted to do its job, that's why. Something that became very evident to me as I was boarding my Delta flight to New York this September. After going though all the security checks at Bombay airport I was surprised to see a bunch of 7 to 8 Delta ground staff positioned near the entrance to the aircraft waiting to check us and our carry-on luggage again. And I gotta tell you the sight of them with their rubber gloves had me scared somebody might stick their hand up my bum! Thankfully that didn't happen, but they did put their hands all the way down into our bags and frisk us thoroughly, even going to the extent of feeling the insides of our shoes.

Anyway, it is what it is. Something we just gotta live with I guess. Been a crazy week at work ... so much to finish before the holidays. Our man NBZ will be down in a couple of days and then there's the wedding happening (not mine). Really looking forward to all the festivities. The friend of a friend who was shot at the Taj is doing ok, btw. Bullet's been taken out and he's home from hospital.

***

Shahrukh's new movie is crap I hear, don't watch it. Have you seen how he's been doing the rounds of all the news channels condemning the Jihadis and in a way trying to tell everybody what a good Muslim he is? Yes dude, we know you're a good Muslim, even though I bet if given the chance you'd happily shoot Salman in the ass!

Bowie and Queen ... Under Pressure.

And now the city has the weekend to recover. The TV crews looked like they could use a rest too.

On Monday it will be BAU. Couple of weeks from now it will be LAU (Life as usual). And to our well-wishers in the US and elsewhere who considered some of the things I/other readers said inappropriate or hurtful, please excuse us. We shall try our best not to get killed.

***

A friend of a friend working at the Taj has been shot and is quite bad. Add to that the trauma of seeing two of his colleagues in the kitchen fall to a random spray of bullets. They did not even spare the women. The list of casualties will be out soon. In it you may see/recognize somebody you know. Too bad for them ... someone should have told them to stay safe.

Like I said in an email to a friend just now- Not all of us have choices. Many of us have just to go with what we're given, even if it's not a lot.

Peace, love, and wounds that heal.

56 bludy hours!

I'm slouched on the sofa watching the news half in my sleep when all of a sudden I jump on seeing the headline "Rabbi, wife found dead at Nariman House". OMG! Rabbi and his wife have been killed, I say to JC. And she laughs her head off for the first time in two days. It's not Rabbi the singer, idiot ... it's a Jewish Rabb-i. Holy shit, I'm glad Rabbi ain't dead!

But seriously, I agree with Rupa when she says we need the help of the Mossad. Those sonsofguns would have wrapped this up in no time. Not many people know that it was actually the Mossad that helped set up the NSG in the mid 80's (no, you won't find it in the Wiki ... top secret). Which is another reason why India never could take too tough a stand on Israeli action in Palestine.

And where is Raj? He's not hiding, is he? Show yourself O brave Maratha warrior! Your city you've fought so hard to rid of the pestilence of North Indian taxi drivers and vegetable vendors needs you now. I guess we'll hear from him in about 2 1/2months from now, when it's safe for his army of chicken-shit losers to swoop down on anyone buying a Valentines card.

Man- it's 5 in the morning and I better call it a night. Hopefully when I get up tomorrow this will all be over.

But it's only just begun.

Y'know, we need to change ourselves first. Put our own house in order. There are people among us who are guilty of worse crimes against humanity than all these Fidayeen put together. Some of them even occupy positions of power. After the riots in '93 I was talking to a relative who lives at Nesbit Road in Mazagon and he described to me how Hindu death squads went house to house with swords and choppers looking for Muslims to kill. One story was particularly moving - of the night a family with two children running for their lives appeared at their door imploring of them to hide them in their house, which they did - under the beds and in cupboards, risking their own lives. They were even killing children. If you were Muslim you had to die. And the cops positioned just down the street did nothing. He told me he even saw some policemen telling the death squads where they could find Muslims to chop up. The Srikrishna Commission brought many of these cops to justice, but we as a people have not changed. And that is the first thing we need to do to make this country better.

I didn't see the media out day and night when our Christian brotheren were being massacred in Orissa. Why?

We need to change ourselves first.

***

I will not get into debates or discussions on who is right or wrong or who is to blame. Sure, it is the job of the government to ensure the safety of all its citizens and here our government has failed us time and again, but when its citizens themselves are divided that job becomes so much harder. I'd say the main reason the United states has not had a large scale terror attack after 9/11 is because its people are united - in spirit and in purpose. But travel across to Baghdad and the same mighty United States has struggled to maintain law and order and control insurgency. Internal divisions are what kills a country.

The city of Mumbai as they say will bounce back. But in order to bounce back one thing is very essential - the need to forget. And that's something we Indians have become very good at. To my knowledge there is not a sinlgle memorial to the victims of past terror attacks anywhere in the city like there is in New York. Why? Because in spite of everything we tell ourselves the truth is that we as a nation just don't care.

Is anybody surprised? I for sure am not. But after hearing news reports that armed lunatics entered Bombay by sea in boats all the way from Karachi I can't help asking the question: What was the Indian Coast Guard doing? And considering there's also a huge contingent of the Indian Navy based in Colaba, I wonder how even they didn't spot something suspicious entering our waters. Oh I forgot - they have more important things to do at the moment, like chasing Somali pirates in the Gulf of Aden.

How could we let this happen, seriously?

"ATS Chief Hemant Karkare killed" -- Who did he think he was - Rambo? You need effective intelligence and a good security infrastructure to prevent things like this happening. I do not want my tax money spent on getting us pictures of the goddamn moon ... spend it instead on making our cities safe, is what I'll say to PM Manmohan Singh.

And that's about all I want to say right now. My blood is boiling.

One more thing - Those of you sitting snug there in the US and elsewhere around the world please don't tell us to "stay safe". Come back here and you'll know how hard it is to stay safe.

Y'know, it's a guy thing to brag. Especially when you haven't scored in that long. Which is why I'm guessing this piece of news made the front-page headline story in todays Times of India. From what I understand the boys of the Indian Navy haven't had any real action since 1971. That's 37 long years - too long for those guns to remain in their holsters (self testing does not count). And so they can be pardoned for going all out at even the slightest opportunity.

But I wouldn't go bragging about it if I were them. I mean when you're a hundred and twenty five metres long* it really is not a matter of pride to say you went all guns blazing after something that looks like this.

* which is the length of the INS Nabar

***

Fats gets wedded this Saturday. Tomorrow evening there is what we Goans call the Ros - traditionally done with coconut milk and haldi, but now modernised to include everything from beer to masala-dosa mix to even rotten eggs in extreme cases. The idea is to get the groom as messed up as possible, the reasoning behind which I've never quite understood. Not that it matters - I'm just going there to get sloshed and devour the sorpotel.

The bachelor party happened the day before with all the usual male masti. And Fats I have to say didn't look too presentable in a black fishnet bra and thong panties**, even though the bra fitted him quite well, what with the man-boobs and all. Certainly not the sight I'd like to present to my virgin bride on her wedding night!

But I'm curious to know (more because it's something you can't ask) -- What generally goes through a girls mind on that first night (assuming she's a first timer of course)? Is it a mix of excitement and nervousness, or is it more on the lines of- Oh God, here he comes!

** supposedly to symbolize the fact that she will be wearing the pants from now on!

***

The Mirror today reveals that the man who at the height of his power had nearly the whole of Europe by the balls was missing one himself. Wonder how he'd have reacted if some flight attendant had made the mistake of saying, "Excuse me Herr Führer, would you like some nuts?"

Edie & the New Bohemians ... What I am.

Is it just me or is Priyanka Chopra getting hotter by the day! Whatever it is she's doing to keep that body of hers looking the way it is, it's working ... cuz she looks good enough to eat. No wonder they call her Piggy Chops.

***

So Japan's in recession*, Citi is getting rid of 52,000 people (many in India too I imagine), and we won't get to see Himesh's next blockbuster. Yep, Bollywood's feeling the pinch as well. Hhey Gujju has been shelved. What a loss that will be to the world of cinema!

And you'd think by now people would have realised that adding those extra letters (the numerology nonsense I mean) to their names/names of their films doesn't help to turn ones fortunes around. Shit with any number of t's in it will stink just the same. But they don't seem to get it.

*About time them panty-sniffers joined the club. And I'm sure they smelt it coming!

***

What else is making the news? Read last week that Prince Charles' marriage may be illegal. Marrying a horse is, I think in most countries.

And I'm reading right now that Rahul "cocaine kanhaiya" Mahajan is out of Bigg Boss for attempting to leave the house. Reason being he and a bunch of others were sick of home-cooked food. I think the real reason is he wasn't getting his vitamins.

Y'know, we were talking the other day, the lads and I, and we concluded that a new indicator of how desperately you needed to do something with your life is if you still watched Bigg Boss. You agree?

Sarah .... Building a mystery.

Hyderabad the city - Didn't like it too much to be honest. The traffic is a nightmare and the riskshaw drivers are the biggest bludy cheats I've seen yet. Something about the place just made me very uneasy (I was in the Secunderabad area in case you're wondering). Also it can be tough making your way about because so many people don't speak Hindi or English. Which I guess is how it is most places down South - people don't speak much apart from their local jalebi languages*.

Hyderabadi wedding - Whoa! You need to have the stamina of a marathon runner to sit through one of those. I was exhausted just watching. And the noise - bludy hell! Near-permanent damage to my hearing is the only thing I came away with (nope, no N-Series!). Because they had not one but two nankatai bands vying with each other for supremacy in terms of decibel levels. And I ain't kidding when I say they were loud enough to shake the fillings from your teeth!

But why spend so much money on a wedding is something that beats me. The flower arrangements itself I reckon may have exceeded the cost of an entire Goan wedding ... I'm no expert but I know that orchids are freakin' expensive. And the gold on all the women put together may have been enough to open another little gold suq in Dubai. Never before have I seen ladies wearing gold belts ... yeah, big thick things around the waist. They for sure don't need need them to hold the sarees up, so I can't think of any other possible use. BDSM did come to mind but I doubt them Telugu folk are into shit like that.

Couldn't have the much acclaimed biryani this time. And to be honest I'm not sure there'll be a next time.

Happy to be home is what I'll say. Raj can stuff his Marathi down our throats but we're better off here. Hyderabad reeks of conservatism. All you see is bludy men everywhere. Where have all the flowers gone was the question on my lips. Either they are all hidden away somewhere or the sex ratio is something they need to work on pronto. In either case this is what could happen.

* Jalebi coz of they way they're written.

I'm just wondering: If Barack Obama's skin color was more his mothers than his old man's, would the Blacks still be rejoicing?

And something tells me more will be expected from him than any President in the history of the United States. He has talked his way into the White House, but it'll take a lot more than that to stay there.

We wish him the best though, don't we? Yes we do. Go-bama!

***

I head to Hyderabad this weekend. For only a day unfortunately. To attend a friends wedding. I've heard them Hyderabadis (or whatever they're called) have really lavish weddings with shitloads of dowry coming the grooms way. If we (meaning the Goans) had ever to ask for dowry we'd be considered the worst damn villains on earth. The Mallus I believe are also quite notorious in these matters. In their case I've heard it's even a prestige thing, where if the girls parents don't give enough their standing in society gets diminished somewhat!

Anyway, I'm hoping to get a Nokia N-Series as takeaway gift. Sponsored by the guys folks of course.

Couldn't believe how much it costs to fly to Hyderabad though. 12 to 13 grand for a round trip. Bugger it I said, I'm going by bus. Hope to have some nice Hyderabadi dame sitting next to me and not some Naxal rotter. But I have shit luck with these things. The last time I travelled by bus it was only my tough constitution that kept me going. At the lunch stop this old blighter in the next seat had eaten like it was his last damn meal on earth and kept throwing up into a flimsy see-through plastic bag for the next 1 hour, I kid you not! If he was 30 years younger I would have slapped the bastard.

One of my favourites - The Marshall Tucker Band .... Fire on the Mountain. This for my mate AJ, who loves the open roads just like me. All I gotta do is head over to the Enfield Showroom which is just down the street from here and do it, but I don't know what stops me. One of these days though I just might.

I think what stops me is the fear that once I'm out there I may never want to return. To what I now call life. For you AJ... Ride on!