I walked up to the edge. To my left a little distance away, Fort Aguada. In front of me, nothing. I sat down on a rock. Below me a 300-400 feet drop into the Arabian Sea. Above me clear blue sky.

If I had one wish it would be to fly, to spread my wings and take off from that cliff over the sea. But I didn’t have no damn wish; I had a choice. I could take one step forward, or I could turn back.

The coward in me prevailed.

***

When you’re alone, the only thing you do is think. The thinking started from the time this girl sitting next to me in the bus fell asleep and her head came to rest on my shoulder. I could feel her soft warm breath on my cheek as she slept; she felt very warm, or maybe I was very cold. It’s strange how sometimes you can feel close to someone you’ve never seen before, and will probably never see again. It’s even more strange when you don’t say a word to each other all through the journey.

Spent a lot of time walking on the beach. She told me to get her a few sea shells, but there weren't any nice ones to be seen, just lots of broken bits. The locals were busy putting up their shacks; season begins from November 1, they told me. I guess I should have gone a week later.

The island village of Corjuem where my grandmother lives has not changed one bit since I last went there. The smell of the air, the earth, the sight of the water gushing in those little channels through the paddy fields, the old house, the mango, jackfruit and chickoo trees in the yard behind, the woodpeckers, the ladybirds and the snails, they’re all still there, going about their business, exactly the way they were. I found myself having that peaceful easy feeling after such a long time.

Dee would phone me every day around lunchtime to find out what I was doing and what I had eaten, and stuff like that. Actually I think she just wanted to check if I was ok, and hadn’t jumped off some cliff :) . The next time I go to Goa it will be on motorcycle with her. The places and beaches in the South remain pretty much inaccessible to Northerners like us because of the lack of convenient means of transportation. I want to try the food at Martins Corner at Betalbatim beach. They say no trip to Goa is complete without a meal at Martins. Next time surely.

***

And so I’m back, back to the grind.

I’ve just been catching up with a few blogs. I see it’s pretty much ‘life goes on’ for you guys. Though you’ll find ATM’s all over the place, there are still hardly any Internet facilities in Goa; the ATM’s are more important, I guess.

Peace, love, and a new shade of blue.