I have a dream

... it is never to wake up

My Christmas tree looks like a Christmas bush. I've been nurturing it for the past three years but it seems more intent on growing sideways than upwards.

I've received a shaadi proposal from an HR girl. Now there's someone who'll ask all the right questions. Not my favourite people on earth, HR ... matter of fact I quite detest them.

I'd love to hook up with a girl in advertising actually. No seriously I would. All the ad babes I know are fun people. And we'd spend a lot of time arguing over the deplorable state of advertising in India. Saw some wonderful ads in Switzerland. Like Calida's Just feel campaign. Now that is how you advertise lingerie ... or anything for that matter -- move beyond the product. If only our desi adwallas (who for some reason live with the misconception that they're very damn creative) could pick up a thing or two from their foreign counterparts.

And I love that chick they've used ... you can see her all over Switzerland. Clicked this at Luzern station. One I like best is Just feel preferred ... wonderful thing is how every picture perfectly captures the feeling being advertised.

To me a successful ad is one that makes the viewer stop to think, unlike the mindless crap you get to see over here. And it can't get any worse than the Orbit White - cow with the yellow teeths - advert. Whichever agency came up with that needs to shut shop and get into something else.

BFN.

Q is in Goa and I'm not. Cuz yesterday I had the mother of all throat infections. Which is funny - because I feel absolutely fine now. Two rounds of self-medication with heavy antibiotics did the trick. But I went to see the doctor anyway. Just continue with what you're taking, is what he had to say. And with that I was relieved of 300 bucks.

In a way it's good that I've got a few days at home to relax. And there's lots to do besides putting up the decorations. I've just been sifting through all the hundreds and hundreds of fotos taken in Switzerland. Some of them up on Facebook for those who want to see. And this one in particular brought back some- unpleasant memories. It was the time S took us to eat sushi along with Congyu and Sebastian. And I have to say this - Never, ever, even by mistake, eat that goddamned shit. It was pure hell I tell you. I nearly cried, not to mention almost puked right there in my plate ... something that would have been a first for me.

What saved me were the strips of pickled ginger and the saki (Japanese rice wine). Every little bite I took was followed almost instantaneously by some ginger to kill the taste of raw fish and a gulp of saki to put it down. Congyu suggested I have the wasabi along with it, wasabi being something that smelled like mustard (the green paste like thing you see on the top left corner of Congyu's plate). And since I like mustard, I thought I'd give it a try. Bludy hell! - if the fish hadn't killed me this almost did. It was like someone had just shot a spray of pungent chemicals up my nose! Cursed bludy Congyu .... rotten woman wanted me dead I think. But I love her slanty eyes and those pink glasses.



Water! water! I called out to the waiter ... Sri Lankan moron who seemed to be having a good time watching me suffer. Water was brought and that was it. I was done. If this was what the Japs call food, I don't wanna see the stuff they call shit!

Anyway, so Q is in Goa and I am here. The carolers came around last night ... totally thanda singing though. And later I made the big mistake of joining my dad and others from the colony for Christmas dinner. Because suddenly from nowhere a guitar was whipped out and I was told to entertain. Community songs is what they wanted ... the kind I detest. Stuff like Bombay se aaya mera dost, so you can imagine.

dost ke liye maine ladki mangvaya
dost ke liye maine ladki mangvaya
ladki ka baap nikla dost
dost ko salaam karo!

... now what are the odds of that happening? :)

Vonda Shepard ... from Ally McBeal - Santa Baby

Are they bloomin' MAD?? is what I said when I first heard about this. One Crore! I know the Arabs are wasters, but this is crazy even for them. Would have made more sense to hire a posse of Egyptian playmates (wonder what they call them in Egypt) ... they'd have come a lot cheaper and would have provided all present with a lot more excitement than some ageing tapori filmistar.

***

Someone I talked to recently was telling me how all the couples are rushing to tie the knot before '07 is over. 2008 being a leap year is inauspicious it seems. How many of you believe that's true?

2007 has been a year of much learning for me. Big mistakes were made, one in particular that I am very sad about, because it involved a person I was so fond of and still care about very deeply. I wish things had turned out differently, but perhaps that is how they were destined to turn out. And maybe we're both better people today for what happened.

And that's what life is all about I guess -- Learn from your mistakes, leave them behind and move on. Just be careful that your next mistake is not bigger than the last one. And never hate someone for making a mistake with you. We are all human, we're bound to screw up sometime. For a long time I hated Banana for what she did to me ... so much in fact that I didn't want to see her face ever again. But I don't anymore. She did what she had to; what at the time she thought would make her happy. If I were to meet her today I'd tell her it's ok, that she doesn't need to feel bad or guilty about anything ... and that I am still thankful for all the good times we shared.

It's like Mel said recently -- sometimes you're the hurter, sometimes you're the hurtee. Problem is you don't get to decide what role you're going to play. And it's ok to be angry or bitter. But not for too long. I think the true measure of how evolved and mature a person you are is your ability to forgive.

I'd say the one thing 2007 has taught me more than anything else is that in love there are no villains ... just people who couldn't play their roles right.

***

The more I think about it the more I'm convinced that maybe I'm just not cut out to be with anyone. Because I cannot give them what they expect from me. It's too much of an effort. And I in turn want nothing from them. So if you have nothing to give and want nothing to take, why get into any kind of a relationship, is what I'm thinking.

But at the same time a part of me doesn't want to be alone. Not forever. Quite a mess innit?

This is one of the most beautiful songs ever written. Lee Ann Womack - I hope you dance. The words give hope, but the truth is that sometimes you need more than just hope to make things work.

Oh it feels so damn good. Sitting here on my brand new computer blogging the Blues. The old one decided to kick it just a day after I got back. But it had served me well ... 9 years without crashing once. Except that time I had to reformat the HD when NBZ downloaded some porn that came loaded with a hundred different viruses.

Today is my first day off since I took up the new job in July. Working my ass off I've been. In an hour or so I have to hop a bus to the big bad city for the aunts silver wedding celebrations at the Willingdon this evening. Hope they don't ask me to sing. But y'know I wouldn't mind grabbing a mic and doing a number with the band. How many months has it been since I played my guitar ... gosh I don't even remember.

Got 3.2 GB of fotos from Schweiz on my memory stick that I need to copy over. Later.

Saturday Q and I head to sunny Goa. Where my 82 year old grandmother just came out of a life threatening operation. One tough cookie she is.

And when it comes to Goa Q is the man. Having spent time on the local DJ circuit does have its benefits ... backdoor entry into some of the most rocking nightspots.

O.K. What do I play for all my lovely blogger friends? Lemme see ... ah someone wanted Scorpions. Here we go - Send me an angel. Anita was it ... Anita Rodricks? :)



Speaking of angels - Sandhya Mridul ... mwahh mwahh! She should have won that Dikhlaja shit. The girl was awesome. Someone should challenge that nonsense in the Bombay High C.

Mary, the girl who took me skiing, is gonna be here in Feb. Hope she won't want to see the bludy Taj.

BFN.

There was something about her I liked the first time she came over to our table to take our order. She had a face that could brighten up a room full of tired souls. When you're in another country on work, you try not to be too generous with the tips because the company won't reimburse that. But with Anita I didn't care. She was special. And there was something about the Pizza Blitz in Oerlikon that I really liked ... besides the pizza, that is. It was a place where you could unwind after a hard day. And when Anita was around it was that much more welcoming. So that is where I spent my last evening in Switzerland ... with a glass of Calanda and some real good pizza . When she saw me at my usual corner she waved from behind the counter saying she'd just be a minute. I remember the first time I went there. When she saw I couldn't understand a word on the menu card she came and sat down beside me, took out a pen and proceeded to translate the entire thing from German to English. That in spite of other customers waiting for her attention. Keep that with you she told me. She knew I'd be coming back.

I told her I was leaving the next morning. She asked me where I was going and then started to talk about how she'd like to visit India someday. Said she'd been to Thailand last year and loved the place. And that was why she worked the pizza joint - to save up so she could travel. I reckon that evening I gave her the biggest tip I've ever given anybody ... 10 Francs, which is what - around 350 desi bucks! But she deserved it.

And so it's back to the grind here. Sometimes I ask myself what the hell I'm working for.

***

The thought of spending Christmas in Dubai with Nine Below Zero did cross my mind, but Goa seems more likely. Q went to find out about the bus tickets this morning. I guess he's managed something.

Natalie and the Dixie Chicks. This one for Anita.

Skiing. It's a lot harder than it bludy looks, I can tell you that much. First surprise of the day and something that evoked loud laughter from everybody present in the ski rental shop was when I asked Mary - where are the brakes?

Turns out the damn things got no brakes! You have to stop them yourself, using your knees, or legs or whatever the hell you want to. I knew there and then that I was in trouble. Soon I was fitted into boots that left my feet feeling like they'd been placed in concrete blocks. This was definitely not going to be the fun I imagined. Next we were expected to get into a moving cable-car gondola with those damn boots and skis and everything without falling. That done, the most important task was upon me -- getting into the skis, and hopefully skiing. Mary gave me a crash course that would put every other crash course to shame. Sounded easy enough. My plan was to move slowly and then pick up speed once I was more confident. But unfortunately it doesn't quite work like that. When you're a rookie, the slope decides how fast you go, not you. I started moving and before I knew it I was going too fast for comfort (I reckon 25-30 kmph). Suddenly the slope in front looked mighty dangerous. I had to slow down or I'd hurt myself if not anybody else. I tried to get the skis closer together like Mary had told me but nothing doing, I just couldnt slow down; I was a dead man. Then I remembered another thing she had told me - if you can't stop, fall, but don't fall forwards or on your back, you will hurt yourself. Fall sideways. So that is what I did, and goddamn did it hurt. The snow may look all nice and pretty and all, but I tell you it can be quite a bitch when you go down. And then I couldn't get up again. So I had to call for help. And it's not a nice feeling when you're lying there in the snow like a paralysed puppy and a bunch of eight-year-olds go zipping past you in glee. Anyway, Mary helped me up and suggested we try something else - parallel skiing, where we hold hands and ski together like they do in figure skating. Gotta admit that didn't go down very well with my male ego, but what the hell, it was better that getting grievously injured. And it was fun. It kinda felt like those scooters they had in the old days, the ones with the sidecars. She was the scooter, I was the sidecar.



After a couple of rounds of that I'd had enough. There's only so much skiing you can do holding a girls hand. So we decided to try the sledge (exact same kind you see here) ... closer to the ground, and definitely a lot safer. Bullshit! Dangerous as bludy hell. Even more dangerous than skiing at times. So there I was on the sledge hurtling down the slope at God knows how many miles an hour, which was fun ... till you came to a bend. The instructions were simple enough -- to turn right put your right foot down, to go left, the left foot. If only it were that simple. Coz you gotta know just how much and how long to put your bludy foot down. A slight miscalculation and you've swayed too much to the side and before you know it you're lying face down in two feet of snow with your sledge over you or under you or half a mile away from you. Another huge problem was that the slope was not a perfect slope in many places - there were huge ups and downs; which if you're a girl is ok, but if you're a guy could cause some serious damage to your - you know what! So can you imagine me holding the rein with one hand, one hand on my nuts, trying to steer with my feet and having no control over how fast the damn thing was going ... I guess you can.

But Mary said I was very brave ... for someone who'd never been on the snow before. I was actually. Because now when I think about it I could have broken my neck at least a dozen times. I didn't count the number of times I fell, but I know for a fact I was in the snow a lot longer than I was on the skis/sledge.

***

The festive season is really starting to kick in here. At the main station the 50 foot high Swarovski Crystal Christmas tree is a sight to behold.



And that pretty much brings to an end my time here in this beautiful land of mountains, lakes and very stylish women. I wish I had myself a handycam to capture the sights and sounds of Switzerland. No substitute for the real thing of course, but it would have been nice to show the folks back home. This Sunday I return to the sights, the sounds - and the smells - of my beloved homeland.

Van Morrison ... Brown eyed girl. For michelle, who if I remember correctly celebrates her birthday today.

I said to the girl, you gotta be bludy kidding me ... the Blues Brothers at the Rabechilbi in Richterswil! No way!! I mean, are they that popular?

Chilly chilly night it was. But I loved all the lights ... and the music. Called it Diwali - Swiss style. We had a stiff shot of some rum based concoction afterwards. How I love a girl who can stand her poison.

***



More music at the Hauptbahnhof. Never before have I seen so many rocking brass bands ... with so many women playing all kinds of big massive instruments. Forget about foot tapping, these guys actually made you wanna shake your ass ... right there in the middle of the station. Red Hot Chili Peppers, Dylan, Bob Marley, Michael Jackson, Queen, they played it all. I was thrilled I tell you. And here's to the chap who played the lead to Knockin' on Heavens Door (what Slash plays on the GNR version) on his trumpet. You rock dude!





***

It's been snowing cats 'n dogs. Three below zero outside and I'm lovin it. This weekend Mary is taking me skiing. Quite frankly she is more excited than I am. Fotos on Monday. Hope I don't break a leg.

Cheers!

It is snowing outside. And cold as bludy hell. It's about 2 degrees C now and they tell me tomorrows gonna be worse. I can hardly wait.

But I'm holding up better that I imagined. The cold hasn't got to me like it has most of the others. Even the locals seem to be freezing their balls off. The other evening I took a walk down the street in my shorts and T shirt (...and rubber chappals!) and people were looking at me like I was an an alien or something. So the colds not such a problem for me ... it's the icy winds like the kind we're having today that can be a bummer.

Two weeks from today I'll be getting ready to leave for home. Mixed feelings really. On the one hand I am happy to have seen some of the most breathtakingly beautiful sights in the world and on the other I want to go back to those faces I miss so much. But I know that in a little while I'd want to go away again. Somewhere else. I guess that's how it'll always be with me.

***

Last Sunday was spent in Fribourg and Gruyere. Fribourg -- the city was a treat for the senses. I've been to every major Swiss city over the past month but none had as captivated as this medieval town. So much history, so well preserved.



The city is predominantly Catholic, and it shows. Don't get me wrong but there's something about us Catholics that the Prodys just don't have. You go to a Prody Church and you wanna get out in 5 minutes. But go to the Cathedral of Saint Nicholas and you can sit there for hours and hours just staring in amazement at everything around you. Lucky for me the choir was in practice and the sounds of a 300 year old pipe organ descended on us like a soothing balm.



Looking back, it was a perhaps a good thing we went on a Sunday when the tourist office was closed. Which will tell you - this is not a place you'll get to see with SOTC or Cox & Kings. Not a single - not even one Asian tourist. And I gotta tell you those Chinks with their SLR cameras are a lot worse than all the others. I experienced that first hand in the revolving cable car going up to Titlus. The minute the damn thing started to revolve, the morons started jumping up and down in excitement like children and babbling away in that goddamned language ... so much so you'd think they'd just been offered free sex for life.





And since the tourist office was closed, we were on our own. No maps, no list of places to see, nothing. Yup, I went totally unprepared. But for a guy like me it doesn't really matter. So far whenever I've gone to a place unprepared, I've ended up being pleasantly surprised by what I discovered. And in Fribourg I decided to take a little trail through the woods not knowing where it would lead, and voila, I ended up seeing parts of the city most people would miss, not to mention saving at least an hour had I taken the main road. Which goes to show you it pays to be adventurous.

***



After Fribourg it was Gruyere - the famous cheese village. Damn, I should have taken her photo ... she was the sweetest looking thing having her coffee when I went up to her in the restaurant near Fribourg station and asked if she'd help me get to Gruyere. And looking at the way she struggled with her English interspersed with French, I know it must have been quite an effort. But if it wasn't for her I'd have missed the 4 pm last entry into the Chateau ... made it with 5 minutes to spare. Going all that way and not getting to see it would have a tragedy. And that's another thing. I've been very lucky here in Switzerland - with the weather, which was just right whenever we went somewhere, and with many other things I won't go into now.

***

People are already starting to get into the festive mood here. And back in India I know the festvities - and the noise - are on in full blast.

Bob Dylan ... Like a rolling stone.

O.K. In the office here we have three different toilets - gents, ladies and common. Problem is they're all very small ... one wash basin, two piss pots (in the gents), two shit pots. So there are times when a lady or a gent is forced to use the common toilet. Like I was just now after lunch. So there I am washing my hands when this Japanese chick goes into the cubicle and in less time than it takes to say 'konnichiwa' pulls down her trousers and starts dropping the bombs. Christ Almighty! you're a woman for godssake ... and there's a man washing his hands just outside. But hell, she went on like a Kamikaze over Pearl Harbour.

... Maybe she ate some Indian food last night, poor thing.

Toilet tissue is another pain in the ass. We Indians just cant imagine a toilet without water. So some feel the need to innovate. What do they do? They take a bottle of Evian with them when they go. Yup, the bums here get washed with mineral water.

Overall I like the offices here. No cubicles or partitions like we have in India. The vending machines are super-cool and the lighting at your desk gets adjusted automatically depending on the light in the room and that coming in from outside. And there is so much stationery at my disposal I could start a bludy shop. Everyone says 'en Guete' when someone goes to lunch, meaning 'Enjoy your meal'. And they really make sure they enjoy their food ... no hurrying through whatever be the urgency.

This weekend promises to be a bummer. Minimum temperature of -5 C. And snow. Damn, I'm cursing myself or not bringing that bottle of Royal Challenge.

Anthony Kiedis and the Red Hot Chilies. Let it snow baby!

Back to work now.