Make no mistake about it: This virus will test us and will do everything it can to break us. We have to fight it like our lives depend on it. Because frankly it does.

This pandemic has also come as a brutal reality check for the world. We have been taking things for granted for far too long, and have let misplaced priorities, selfishness and greed drive our decisions. It's ironic that nations have spent decades amassing wealth and stockpiling weapons of mass destruction at the cost of the planet, and this virus just casually comes along and makes so much of that wealth vanish in a matter of weeks without a bullet being fired. When the so-called greatest nation on earth that has the capability to 'take out' anything they want at will, declares a state of emergency because they have a shortage of testing kits and medical resources, it goes to show us what we really are, in a way echoing the words of the Bible: 'For dust you are and to dust you will return'. We thought we were invincible like Goliath, but in reality we are as insignificant as the dirt under David's feet.

I think we will be changed people after this has ended. We will be better human beings - humble and kind, with a lot more respect for our planet and everything around us. We will stop fu****g around, and we sure as hell will know what we're really worth -- NOTHING!

For me the start of 2016 was like setting off on a great big ship to go on the cruise of my dreams to exotic destinations while having the time of my life. 

Little did I know that very soon that ship would hit a storm and capsize and I'd be left stuck in a very tiny lifeboat in the middle of an ocean struggling to survive each day, taking on whatever the elements would throw at me. And now I lie here battered and bruised on a rocky beach after an ordeal that seemed to last a lifetime. 

Ironically enough, another fancy cruise ship just pulled up a little distance away and there are all these people coming ashore, who for some strange reason are wishing me a happy new year.  

I don't know about them, but I'm never getting on a cruise ship again!  

***

So who do I blame? Myself for wanting so eagerly to go on that cruise, or the hand of fate for having such a sadistic sense of humour? While I'm waiting for the answer, the end result is that I have nothing to show for this year, nothing at all. And that can be quite depressing.

So I don't know if I want to wish anybody a happy new year. I'd rather just share some survival stories and pray that your ship doesn't capsize.  

***

This song is dedicated to someone who's had her own share of misfortune this year, someone I love very dearly. I hope 2017 will be kinder. On the both of us.

Peace, love, and a little more luck.              

Do you sometimes feel like you're living a read-only life? Like someone else has the write access and all you can do is look at what's being written for you and go along?

How hard is it to write your own destiny if you are powerless to do so? And what is destiny anyway? Is it even a real thing? Or is it just a word somebody coined to describe a situation you can't change, whether for better or for worse.

I like to believe that we are never really powerless to change a situation. It's just that sometimes we run out of ideas.

Peace, love, and a little more inspiration.

Doing the right thing is so damn hard at times. So damn hard.

***

Played guitar after so long at a friends place last week. Can't believe how rusty I've become. But they loved it all the same. Goldilocks called my little performance a 'treasure'. Nobody's ever called it that before, but come to think of it music is one of the most precious gifts I have. Without it I'd pretty much be dead.

Not sure how many of you been watching the The Stage on Colors Infinity. Amazing how much vocal talent there is in our country. If only we could write them songs. Last season it was Soundarya and Kamakshi who had me captivated and now it's Sharvi and Aishwarya. Sharvi is wonderful and I'm pretty sure she's gonna win it, but Aishwarya, she's the dark horse. Problem is she's not the girl for every song, which is what the contest seems to be looking for. But when she's in her element, she can rip the pants off anybody. Like when she sang Birdy's Skinny Love. Birdy's been a favourite of mine for a long time now, but with her rendition of Skinny Love I dare say Aishwarya kicked her ass!   

***

Seeing Chelsea send United to the cleaners this evening was good fun. People ask me who I support and I say nobody. I've been watching English football since the late 80's way before cable TV popularized the European leagues here, so I find it a little weird when people tell me they're Chelsea or United supporters. Because when I ask them why, why United and not say Crystal Palace (which back in the day were a pretty solid team), they usually don't have a very good answer. Which is why I reckon Leicester City's success last season left many so called 'supporters' of the bigger clubs in something of a quandary: should we stick with them or proclaim our support for the Foxes? And more importantly, what do we do with the Chelsea and United jerseys now! 

 
Skinny Love by Aishwarya Suresh. You're a star, girl!

In my view he is the greatest songwriter of our generation. And long after he is gone he will be remembered as the greatest songwriter that ever lived. Because his songs are more than just songs - his songs are anthems that have left a mark on the lives of millions. Whether he deserves the Nobel Prize for literature I really can't say given my limited knowledge of literature, however if the Nobel Committee were hard-pressed to find somebody more worthy, I'd say they chose one hell of an  alternative!      

***

I love the BBC radio mobile app. For one it's got me listening to the World Service again, something I would do for hours on my dad's shortwave radio when I was a kid. And surprisingly it's still pretty much the same: I always marveled at how they'd go to all corners of the earth bringing you stories and giving you insights into stuff you'd never have known otherwise. Sadly it's also the same in how much killing and destruction and desperation there is prevalent around the world. Thirty years and so little has changed. What are we as a race doing to ourselves?

And tomorrow the rest of us will go back to our jobs, to toil away like ants. As if there is nothing in the world that can harm us or cut our lives short. When in fact there is danger lurking all around, above and beneath, inside and out. Such stupid little creatures we are.

***

There is a girl I want to fall in love with. I see her at work every day. And she sees me. And somehow I get the feeling she's thinking the exact same thing I am: What's the point?             

To fall in love with you. Bob Dylan. The one and only.

I'm willing to bet Donny Trump woke up late one morning after a heavy night of partying, groping and all the things he loves to do and said to some bimbo in the room, -- Hell, that was fun! But I wanna do something REALLY crazy. What do you reckon, honey? And she after putting her mind to it for a second went, -- Maybe you should run for President!

The next thing you know some of the more knowledgeable staff were summoned and asked: Who do we have running for President in 2016? And the answers would have been Hillary and a bunch of other geezers nobody knows. And then Donny must have thought to himself: You know what, this could be just like that time in sixth grade when I stuck my finger in Bethany's birthday cake right before she could blow out the candles! Hell, that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna stick my finger in Hillary's goddamn cake!

Donald Trump doesn't want to be President. Simply because when you have everything a man could possibly want without being accountable to the people, you'd have to be a complete nut head to go and put yourself out there. And a nut head he most certainly is not. No Sirree! All he wants to do is turn the race for the most powerful office in the world into one very big joke. Or in his case a series of little jokes, from building a wall to keep the Mexicans out, to refusing entry to Muslims, to Obama's birth certificate, and most recently about the nasty things he likes to do to the ladies. 

Funny thing is Trump is not the only one laughing. A lot of people are. While a lot of others are getting mad. Which is usually what happens when you make a joke that isn't politically correct. And Donny sure as hell ain't no politician!  

***

Big Presidential debate tonight. Too late for us unfortunately. But if I were living in a friendlier time zone, I'd call the boys over and pop a few drinks while letting Donny provide the entertainment. He hasn't said anything about the Indians, I wonder why. Maybe he's saving the best for last. Let's wait and see.      

Peace, love and surprise endings!

I hate bludy dentists. Because they rarely have good news to give you. If fact it's almost like they exist only to give you bad news. It's so horribly depressing when after six months of brushing three times a day and flossing and treating your teeth like they were the bludy crown jewels, he takes a look inside your mouth for exactly ten seconds and goes, oh ... ohh ... not good. And you're like, tell me fucker, what is it!?!     

But he will take his time. With that stupid little mouth mirror of his. When was your last visit? Without waiting for you to answer, he will swivel his chair around to look at your dental record, as if it doesn't matter if your last visit was yesterday. 

Err ... about six months back, you stutter, disappointed. But still he won't break it to you. Then slowly, the first blow. You will need at least three appointments. Followed by the knock out punch. Four fillings and one root canal ... maybe two!        

At that point it's almost like they suppress a loud bwahahahahahaha!! While you go, nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!

But there's nothing you can do. Except maybe make a sad face and hope he will give you a discount!   

***

GAP opened its first store in the city yesterday. The desi edition somehow does not seem worth the money. And as far as the jeans are concerned, they seem to have not taken into account one very important fact about us Indians: If we're paying 5 grand for a pair of jeans, we need to say it loud! One little tab on the behind that says '1969' will not simply cut it. I even saw one bloke looking at the label and wondering what the hell 1969 was. Perhaps the only thing that would have made a difference is if it was the year of his birth. That would have been okay.   

Conversely you have some brands that take it a bit too far. Ever seen those broad underwear waistbands with the brand name on it? I don't get that. I guess it started with Calvin Klein but theirs don't look so bad. It's quite a sight though when you see a guy bending to tie his shoelaces only to get a glimpse of his dirty grey or dark orange knickers with CHROMOZOME in bold! Yuck! Something like this. 

I buy mine from M&S. Yes, you didn't need to know that. The women's lingerie section at M&S looks like one big candy store, doesn't it? Yeah, I seen some very happy wimmen prancing about in there!    

***

Check out Putumayo World Music if you got nothing else to do this Sunday. Found it when I started looking for Colombian music on YouTube after a marathon session of watching Narcos. I tell you in the next life I want to be born South American! Hijo de puta is what I will call my dentist!

The music of Colombia. Great stuff!      

The Barcelona Gipsy Klezmer Orchestra plays in the background as I type this at a half past midnight. Music that I find completely tantalizing. The underplayed energy of vocalist Sandra Sangiao along with the magnificence of Robindro Nikolic on clarinet is a treat to the ears. 

***

Something I've come to realize this year is how seriously messed up so many of the people I know are. Not that I hate them for it or love them any less, but it has made me retreat more and more into my state of lonerliness. Yes, that's a word  I coined for myself. To describe someone who at the end of the day realizes he's happiest being a loner but misses the company all the same.   

But how do people get so messed up? Is it that they just don't know what the hell they want in life, or are they simply that impatient to get whatever it is they do want, they end up in a very bad place. A place difficult to get out of or away from.  

***

The years have hardened me I think. Because I am turning into that person who can sympathize with another but at the same time just doesn't care. You dig your grave you lie in it, as my father used to tell us. It is not my job to get you out of it or to breathe life into you. Because honestly I'm having a hard enough time staying alive myself.

Does that make me a bad person? Maybe it does. Or maybe I am just a little messed up myself. 

***

To keep playing the same record I usually do, I don't know how January and February turned into bludy October. Another year nearly wrapped up. Once again with reused wrapping paper.  

Djelem djelem. 

You can do everything you can to avoid it, but sooner or later misfortune in some form or the other will find its way to you. And when it does you can either curse the daylights out of everything that comes to mind, or you can be brave and say -- You know what, I have to fight this thing. I have to move forward and get it out of the way, or else all I'm gonna be doing is standing here cursing. And nobody really gives a shit!  

***

A friend confided in me that her marriage of four years is what most people would call over. Apparently the husband loves his mother a helluva lot more than he loves her. Mommy is first priority and wifey must see to her every need. After four year of being a maid she's had it.  

My take was life is short, so dump the excess baggage and move on. She said you know, it's not easy to just up and leave. Marriage is being like super-glued to a chair: if you try to get up it will either rip your clothes off or leave a very ugly mark, in any case leaving you exposed and/or embarrassed. The stronger the glue the more the damage. 

Then there's this other friend who's doing everything humanly possible to end his marriage. The unbelievable thing is he claims he is powerless to stop. Such a bludy mess!  

***   

Have we become a generation that gives up too easily? On everything and everybody? I think so sometimes. 

Peace, love, and staying power. 

Can I start a crowd funding initiative to help me retire? My story is quite sad. The love of my life dumped me in 1998 and since then all I've done is work like a donkey to save away the little I've been able to save away. It's not a lavish retirement I seek, just the basics - food, alcohol, fuel and a little left over for clothing, travel and utilities. I reckon a crore should about cover it, so let's say a 100 bucks from 100,000 people, that shouldn't burn a hole in anybody's pocket. 

Something that has always fascinated me is what makes a person give their money away. Whether it be to a beggar on the street or to somebody whose child is suffering from a life threatening disease, what is that little device inside your head that decides if it is a cause worth giving to or not? And does it always make rational decisions? For e.g. would a sweet little beggar girl stand more of a chance of getting your money than a gruff looking chap hobbling on one leg who probably needs it more and makes less than the girl anyway?   

Apart from the impact of outward appearances, I guess people need to be convinced that their money is going to be put to good use. Plus you cannot take from them to do something they've been working hard for themselves. Like retire. So instead if I said that I needed a couple of lakhs to do a motorcycle trip across the country, their donations may be more forthcoming. Because then you get them thinking another way, as in -- Hell that's something I'm never gonna do anyway, so might as well help this poor sod do it. Here you go buddy, ride your damn motorcycle to wherever you wanna go! And post lotsa pics on Facebook. But if I had to start by saying I needed money to first buy me a big motorcycle for the trip, they'd tell me to get lost! 

***

Virat and Anushka are no longer a couple it seems. I read somewhere he blamed it on her being a 'controlling' girlfriend. What he obviously doesn't know (yet) is that deep down every woman wants to be in control, even the ones who say they don't. And they're the ones that go crazy because on the outside they have to show the world they're oh-so-cool about letting their man do his thing, but actually not having their finger on the button drives them nuts!

And this poses a problem for the next set of potential Virat girlfriends -- He dumped Anushka for being controlling, now what the hell do we do different? And how long can we keep it up?   

Celebrities are the ones who should be giving away all their damn money if you ask me. Because they waste it on stupid things anyway - like girlfriends they're gonna break up with in six months!

Which is why somebody should start a funding website focusing entirely on celebs, what say? With qualifying criteria and all that. To a point where people actually start to say -- you ain't a celeb till you've made it to Cilaap! That should get the vain bunch of bastards to part with their bucks.  

       

Peace, love, and golden handouts!