Filmfare Awards 2007. Considering they have so many bludy categories, I say throw in a few more ... make everybody happy. And why ignore these other equally important contributors to Indian cinema.

Best actor/actress with no acting ability whatsoever -- Dino Morea/Celina Jaitley

Best chest -- Salman Khan

Best bazooms -- jointly between Ayesha Takia and Bipasha Basu

Best nakli baal -- Salman Khan again (is he the man or what!)

Best beard -- Abhishek Bachchan (Daddyshek will be so proud he'll buy the boy another Bentley)

Best butt -- Mallika Sherawat

Best slut -- Rakhi Sawant

Best creep -- Rhithik Roshan

The above will of course be in addition to things like Best smooch, wet scene, bedroom scene, running around the trees/leaping off buildings scene.

And why leave out those behind the scenes? ... I say give one out for Best spot-boy, body-waxer, maalish walla, caterer, chai walla and coach driver. Hell, without these guys none of them fine films would ever get made!

Btw, how many of you think calling it the Fair One Filmfare awards is downright bludy racist? Ironic though that the award statuette itself is black. Oh hang on ... that way they keep the dark ones happy!

Until next time... who knows best? :)

No words. Just a song that about now says it all. For M.

life
is getting to the other side

faith
is hoping you can make it

I couldn't help noticing her as they walked in. She has big bright eyes. The eye-liner makes them look even bigger I think. She has nice teeth too ... don't smile much though. Black tank-top is very sexy. Nice slender arms, big forehead, hair tied behind in a bun. A bit heavy on the hips though, but that's an Indian thing. Lights up a cigarette .... she looks good smoking. Classy, that's what she is. Very classy.

I can see her friends' butt-crack. But you see that everywhere these days. Her friends are loud. She prefers to listen. The look in her eyes as they meet mine tells me she'd rather be somewhere else.

***

Delhi crowd at the next table is starting to annoy me. Three guys, one very fat chick. The guys brag about how much beer they can drink. I remember that time Fats, me and Ivan had three strong beers each and than downed a whole bottle of tequila ... a deadly mix that was. But I have nothing to prove now. Nothing to prove. To nobody.

***

Where did she come from? Suddenly there she is, right across me at the table behind us. What a lovely, happy face. The dimples are so pretty. You can tell they're celebrating. The other two are probably her sister and brother-in-law. Has she passed an exam, or made it to B-school, or did she get a call from that company after so much waiting? Whatever it is, she seems thrilled. And that red tee-shirt highlights the mood.

I pick up the bill and look at her again on my way out. I should bring Viv to this place when she's in town, I tell myself. I wonder if she likes sizzlers ... Heck I don't even know if she eats meat.

***

She wants to have ice-cream called Ti Amo. I don't know how she still has place in that little stomach after such a heavy meal. Takes me to this big multiplex where there's quite a crowd for Ti Amo. In contrast not a soul at Baskin 31 Robbins. They didn't do their homework before coming to India, Baskin 31. This group of men pushing up behind us speaking some South Indian language make her nervous. She clutches my arm. Dee used to do that. Even when we were walking down the street she'd be holding my arm. I never asked her why.

***

It's chilly tonight. I can feel her shivering. But I had told her to wear a jacket. She's telling me about her friend who's about to make the biggest mistake of her life marrying some choot .... Same old story. I'm thinking about work tomorrow.

Her cheek is cold as I kiss her goodnight. Thank you, I had fun. Me too

It's an outrage I tell you!. First this ... and now this. We shall not take this lying down. No, we shall stand up and make a noise. And when a billion Indians make a noise, you can bet your ass we will be heard!

Can you imagine - making poor Shilpa Shetty cry. Damned Limeys ... ruled us for 200 bludy years, took away all our jewels and deflowered God knows how many innocent maidens, and now they have the gall to pass racist remarks against our Shilpa (so what if the money they're paying her is more than she's earned in all her films put together). No Sirree! ... this will not be tolerated. We demand some RESPECT! ... after all it is we who've given them the Kama Sutra and Paneer Tikka Masala and millions of qualified software engineers!

What's that? ... Poverty, illiteracy, female-infanticide, crimes against women, illicit organ trade? ... we'll deal with that later. It is our pride that's at stake here, dammit!

And now the Oscars. If Rang De Basanti was made by an American it would win every award there is. But because it's made by a guy who's dark-skinned and refuses to shave his beard, it gets kicked out. Ha! I say every Guju in New Jersey and every Sardar in Simi valley and every South Indian in New York, LA and Chicago must stop watching Hollywood movies. We'll see what happens to their Scorcese's and Spielberg's then!

Seriously, what do those bludy Americans think of themselves ... if it wasn't for us Indians their industries would collapse, their space-shuttles would never lift off, and they would have no baseballs to play with. Our men and women are dedicated and hard working ... that's why they have the time to go around doing things like this.

And why is Deepa Mehta's film Water Canada's official entry? Those Canadians are another bunch of morons .... can't make your own damn films, eh? I say confiscate Deepa Mehta's passport and make sure she never gets to take a holy dip in sacred waters of the Ganges again. She should be tried for high treason, wretched traitor!

That's it. I am too upset to say anything more right now. But just you wait ... we'll show them who the real - Big Brother - is!

Got me this CD on Sunday. Buddy Guy and Junior Wells - Live at Legends.

Haven't had the time to listen to it yet though. Bought it at this new store called Landmark that's opened recently. I usually take a very long time to decide if I should buy something or not. And it's a hell of a lot worse with music. You won't believe how many times I've picked up a CD after having decided I want it and then 15 minutes later (after walking all around the shop with it in my hand) I've quietly gone and put it back.

But I bought this one, and I'm glad I did. Had it on cassette, but I don't know where that's gone. All acoustic - guitar and harmonica ... good ol' Chicago blues.

And at Landmark I boldly went where I'm pretty sure no man has gone before. And if any man has indeed gone there before I bet he didn't stay very long. I'm talking about the Erotica section. You should have seen the look I got from this aunty who was checking out the dictionaries (which for some weird reason is right opposite the erotic stuff). Ha! I bet given a chance she'd love uncle to come and pick up a few tips on the art of loving.

First thing that caught my eye was this huge, huge book - the size of a bludy atlas - called The Big Book of Breasts. Maybe it is kinda like an atlas ... maybe the author travelled various parts of the world and analyzed the differences between them bazooms. Frankly I was scared to open it and have a look for fear that I'd find myself staring in horror at a pair of African saggies, the kind they show on National Geographic.

***

So Babyshek and Ash have finally done it .... but what about the horrorscopes that didn't match? A marriage of convenience, is what it is. But who the hell cares, right? And one can only imagine what the traffic scene will be like in Bombay on the 19th of Feb (or whenever the wedding takes place) .... A massive public inconvenience that will turn out to be.

O.K. Gotta run. Got a woman waiting for me. And you know how they get when you keep them waiting :)

Here's the great Buddy Guy ... Damn right I got the blues. Hell yeah!

You know how it is when you run into someone you connect instantly with ... leaves you feeling nice inside, it does. So I'm in the office elevator and this girl and guy get in. He has a guitar slung over his shoulder and gets off at the next floor ... now it's just her and me. She is pretty in a way that you can't help starting a conversation.

So you a singer, I ask her.

Nahhh ... we're just putting up something for the Annual Day function, she says.

So you do sing?

Oh I love singing, but I'm not much of a singer. People are going to laugh!

When you love doing something it doesn't matter what the people think.

She looks at me and smiles.

***

When we started out with our music this man was pretty much my idol; he was the best there was - the brooding voice, the sweet tones of the Fender ... and Brothers in Arms. First time I heard Brothers in Arms, totally blew me away. That's what I wanna be like, kept telling myself.



We just loved the music so damn much. It was such a thrill plugging in those instruments and watching them come to life. How I'd love to experience that again.

Should I do something for this Annual Day thing, I'm asking myself. It's not the same now. I love my music just as much as I did back then, but something is different. Something is very different.

these mist covered mountains
are home now for me
but my home is the lowlands
and always will be

it takes a long time sometimes
for the tears to dry

... and then you wonder
what it was that made you cry

it's harder
when you want more
to love
than be loved

This makes me very jealous! ... Look at all those dudes with our gorgeous Mell :(( But she did invite me, so I can't really complain.

My blog resolution for 2007 is to open up a bit. In Company Law there is the concept of the Corporate Veil. How we laughed when one professor said -- It is only in circumstances where the bonafides have to be established that the courts can rend the veil torn!

Why have I never revealed my identity? Primarily because I do not want my office colleagues or anybody from the family or even real-life friends for that matter landing up here. I like to keep his aspect of my life separate from every other. That is also why I have desisted from meeting fellow bloggers. I remember the first time PB phoned from Calcutta and my dad looked at me with suspicion and said, who is that girl?? If I had to say she's a friend from Calcutta, he'd probably think I was a member of some shady adult dating site and cut off my internet.

But you have a problem when you want someone from work or your family/friends to read your blog. How do you get that person to keep it to themselves? Very difficult. It's hard as it is to keep anything secret on the internet. If my brother could land up here, anybody can .... bludy fellow was reading all my shit on the sly for months till I tracked him down!

So that's it. Lots of changes planned for '07 - you'll see them as they unfold. Btw, anybody keen on designing a new template for me? I'm sick to death of this one.

Last post of '06, this is. I'm off to bring in the new year with all my cousins. 2006 delivered on a lot of things 2005 promised to and failed. Here's to 2007!

This is Desiree ... have a great year y'all.



Peace, love, and a fresh coat of paint!