Fake IPL Player. Is not a player. That much I can bet my ass on. Probably some journalist/mediaperson with access to snippets of information coming out of the team. The rest he makes up.
And seeing how he's gone to such lengths to camouflage people's names (he's left it to us to figure out who's who, which I must say proved quite impossible in many cases) I can tell you he's scared shitless of getting in trouble, or perhaps losing his job. Why else would you call SRK 'dildo'? That's being too nice!
***
Sticking with the IPL, or the telecasts rather, I am bludy SICK of seeing those Airtel ads with Vidya Balan and that pilot bugger from Rang de Basanti. I mean Vidya is sweet and all, but dude have mercy! We know you can give us all kinds of shit at the click of a button (though personally I'd be happy just with better network coverage) but do you have to torture us with that same goddamn ad every 10 minutes? I'm referring to the horoscope one. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, wants their horrorscopes sms'ed to them on their mobile phones. Not unless you're a total damn loser.
And Vodafone haven't done any better with their so-called zoozoos either. Despite what everyone says I don't like them. For two reasons: First- they lack colour like a bunch of lab mice; and second- those horrible squeaking noises they make from their mouths or bums or wherever. After a while you just want to kill them depending on how irritated you are. Frankly I wouldn't mind clobbering a few of them zoozoos to death.
But the Kolkata Knight Riders - What has brought about such a bad run of form? It's as if someones gone and pulled out a few wires here and there. Like in that episode of Knight Rider where somebody sabotages Kitt (which is the talking computer inside the car) and Michael is left to fend for himself, and boy does he have a hard time. Michael Knight is another character I would have liked to have seen get killed more than once. Because it's really annoying when the good guy wins all the time, isn't it? Once in a while you want to see him get crushed under a truck or something.
And so I don't feel too bad about the Knight Riders losing the way they have been. It's the name and nothing else. If they were called the Kolkatta Kittens then maybe I'd have felt bad. Or maybe not ... I hate cats.
But the kid yesterday was telling me how emotional the public in Cal get about their sports(men). It's bad enough our Goan clubs been kicking their asses black n' blue - or should I say red - in football, but now bottom of the IPL! That must be just too much to take. Seems the watering holes down on Park Street even give out free beer whenever a local team wins ... ain't that somethin! And so I wonder what kind of reception Shahrukh will get ... if he ever dares to step foot there. I wouldn't mind seeing the bugger get slippered to be honest.
Must be a huge embarrassment though for the King of Bollywood don't you think, his team doing so badly. After all he's used to being on top. And I'm not talking about when he's doing the nasty with the Queen.
****
Ally called to find out what progress, if any, I've made on the matrimonial front. He says I better not waste time because now is when all the NRI's are on the prowl, so that they can get married in December. Which is a fact. We Macs prefer having our weddings in December so that we can club the Christmas vacations, wedding and honeymoon all in one. Get everything done with soon as you can. And I've seen that the chaps who come down from the States are usually the ones in the biggest hurry to get back .... probably because they gotta return those suits they bought from Macy's.
All that talk of ABBA on Parul's and I need to play me some. Thanks for all the blogversary wishes. You guys are awesome!
And seeing how he's gone to such lengths to camouflage people's names (he's left it to us to figure out who's who, which I must say proved quite impossible in many cases) I can tell you he's scared shitless of getting in trouble, or perhaps losing his job. Why else would you call SRK 'dildo'? That's being too nice!
***
Sticking with the IPL, or the telecasts rather, I am bludy SICK of seeing those Airtel ads with Vidya Balan and that pilot bugger from Rang de Basanti. I mean Vidya is sweet and all, but dude have mercy! We know you can give us all kinds of shit at the click of a button (though personally I'd be happy just with better network coverage) but do you have to torture us with that same goddamn ad every 10 minutes? I'm referring to the horoscope one. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, wants their horrorscopes sms'ed to them on their mobile phones. Not unless you're a total damn loser.
And Vodafone haven't done any better with their so-called zoozoos either. Despite what everyone says I don't like them. For two reasons: First- they lack colour like a bunch of lab mice; and second- those horrible squeaking noises they make from their mouths or bums or wherever. After a while you just want to kill them depending on how irritated you are. Frankly I wouldn't mind clobbering a few of them zoozoos to death.
But the Kolkata Knight Riders - What has brought about such a bad run of form? It's as if someones gone and pulled out a few wires here and there. Like in that episode of Knight Rider where somebody sabotages Kitt (which is the talking computer inside the car) and Michael is left to fend for himself, and boy does he have a hard time. Michael Knight is another character I would have liked to have seen get killed more than once. Because it's really annoying when the good guy wins all the time, isn't it? Once in a while you want to see him get crushed under a truck or something.
And so I don't feel too bad about the Knight Riders losing the way they have been. It's the name and nothing else. If they were called the Kolkatta Kittens then maybe I'd have felt bad. Or maybe not ... I hate cats.
But the kid yesterday was telling me how emotional the public in Cal get about their sports(men). It's bad enough our Goan clubs been kicking their asses black n' blue - or should I say red - in football, but now bottom of the IPL! That must be just too much to take. Seems the watering holes down on Park Street even give out free beer whenever a local team wins ... ain't that somethin! And so I wonder what kind of reception Shahrukh will get ... if he ever dares to step foot there. I wouldn't mind seeing the bugger get slippered to be honest.
Must be a huge embarrassment though for the King of Bollywood don't you think, his team doing so badly. After all he's used to being on top. And I'm not talking about when he's doing the nasty with the Queen.
****
Ally called to find out what progress, if any, I've made on the matrimonial front. He says I better not waste time because now is when all the NRI's are on the prowl, so that they can get married in December. Which is a fact. We Macs prefer having our weddings in December so that we can club the Christmas vacations, wedding and honeymoon all in one. Get everything done with soon as you can. And I've seen that the chaps who come down from the States are usually the ones in the biggest hurry to get back .... probably because they gotta return those suits they bought from Macy's.
All that talk of ABBA on Parul's and I need to play me some. Thanks for all the blogversary wishes. You guys are awesome!
9 comments:
LOL!!!! SRK is called dildo?? ROFL!!!! ure right...he does not deserve such niceness! ;)
In a bad mood, aren't we? :-)
--Hyde
I will be back once you don't feel like killing small furry animals anymore!
IPL Players can blog in proper tolerable English ... wow!
I havent been reading the Fake IPL Player's blog, but i saw it just now and man! What do i say? He (She?) has just given me something to write about too!
What if i wake up and find that I am a cheergirl and I feel like documenting all the moves made on me by all the lovely Indian players and journos and spectators ... Wont that be cool? I'll call it Real IPL Players!
Anyways, Kolkata Knightriders can win. SRK can get Karan Johar to make a movie in which he is the McCullum + Ganguly + Buchanan of the team. In the movie, KKR will win! After SRK hits the winning run, there will be beautiful song choreographed by Farah Khan in which 37 film stars will make a special appearance and will be shot at Lords!
I dont see any other way that KKR will win.
SRK has done some miscalculations. Whoever told SRK that dancing in the stands with dark glasses on will help KKR win, was wrong. And cricket (unfortunately!) is real, and not a Karan Johar movie!
BTW, i wonder why is he called a dildo?
Been reading that fakeiplplayer..lol. You can make out that he's scared shitless, I would be too if I call Gilchrist a pedophile on public domain. Must be some crazy Bong Journalist who hates SRK with such venom now that he doesn't care about the consequences.
And yes thank god someone is bitching about those stupiddd horoscope ads. Apart from the fact that Vidya Balan and that Madhavan look ridiculously dumb, they also represent the kind of couples I hattte! I mean who goes camping and then makes their husband give them tea and rusk in the morning? And then cozy up to read the bloody newspaper and then wifey demands horoscope! The horrors of domesticity man..
Aw Zoozoo is adorable. And yes swb, thanks soo much for telling me about the bar I asked you about! Grrr
Man this is one longgg comment hm
Hey Bluesy, I lurve you!!! Thought I was the only person on planet earth who found the zoozoos annoying - was seriously considering seeing a shrink, but now I don't have to - thank you!!
Re: the fake IPL player - definitely from the media or a media hanger on. Could well be a chick too. But I have a crackpot theory - I suspect he could be Sandy Baddy Babe's husband.
Love that bit about Macy's!! :-)
Oh and happy sixth blogversary!
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