World Cup 2006 is here. I don't know why but these days big sporting events like the World Cup and the Olympic Games seem to come up at intervals that seem a lot shorter than 4 years. I remember how it was when we were in school - one World Cup the Blues was a little baccha in Class IV and by the time the next one had arrived he had grown facial hair and was running after this girl called Shabnam in Class VIII - a very big jump, that.

Anyway, being Goan one feels kind of obligated to root for Portugal ... or at the least Brazil because they speaka-da-same language. I think I'd prefer Brazil, because like I say: the only thing the Portuguese did in Goa was build hundreds of Churches and change every second persons name to D'Souza.

***

My buddy Ally called up last night sounding mighty jolly and all that.

What's up bro, you seem to be in good spirits.

Yes dude, after I read about Orkut on your blog, I made a profile and... kya bolneka yaar, jindagi badal gaya!

Oh, what happened?

Chicks, dude - CHICKS! There are bleddy thousands of them just waiting to be contacted ... and Bombay girls toh, don't talk - too many!

But how'd you manage to make so many friends so soon? I still have just a couple.

Boss, the chicks won't come to you - you have to go to them. And guess what is my nickname? ... Clint Westwood!

LOL ... Clint Westwood??

Damn cool, no? Because everyone says I look like him ... and bleddy Aloysius Lobo sounds so boring.

But these girls, they're probably only interested in online friendships, right ... they can't be wanting to get serious and all that?

Dude which world are you living in? Girls are bleddy desperate these days - there are very few good guys; that's why this Orkut is such a goldmine. And by now you should know that females never say what they really want -- friendship-friendship bolte rehte but actually they want to have your babies!

Hmm… I wonder what Pudding will say when she finds out you've been looking at greener pastures?

Arre Pudding ko maro goli! You think she is not looking for greener pastures? I'm telling you she must have already grazed and come back.

Well, good luck to you then. Hope you find your true soulmate.

I'm telling you, this Orkut is your last chance .... If you don't do something now you will end up bleddy kuvara.

But approaching girls in this way seems kinda cheap, doesn't it?

Dude why don't you understand - they want you to approach them!! And what bleddy cheap you're talking about? Your pop hasn’t left you millions that the babes are going to throw themselves on you!

Yeah, but I'm sure there are hundreds of guys better qualified, better looking than me.

Arre aisa nahin sochneka bhai - just think you're a banana! You've heard that joke, no? ... What did the banana say to the vibrator?

What?

... What are you shaking for? She's gonna eat me!