Well - our beloved Bollywood seems to have done it again. Krrish has krrashed ... unfortunately even that extra 'r' couldn't do much to keep it airborne. Someone who saw it first day-first show said it should come with a warning - not suitable for children above the age of 5!

My policy is never to see a Hindi movie until you've read all the reviews (the negative ones especially). Because I'd hate to end up like this particular gentleman who seems to have come away scarred for life. Yeah, I know how it feels - like being pelted with shit every three minutes for two and a half hours.

Y'know, I'm pretty sure the day is not far when the only thing that will draw audiences to Hindi cinema is the heroines taking their clothes off. And the sooner that happens the better. Yeah, I reckon a nice pair of norks will sell a lot better than some lame-ass creep of a superhero.

***

Our man Clint Westwood has landed himself in a major spot of trouble with his girlfriend Pudding. So bad that something tells me this could turn out to be an unfixable situation for the poor guy.

Dude I can't take it any more. Lets just go to Club IX and get sloshed!

Why, what's wrong?

Pudding, man ... she keeps telling me that honesty is important in a relationship, and then when I'm honest, she kicks my ass!

What is it this time?

Stretch marks, dude!

What??

Ya we went to Shoppers yesterday and she was trying out some low-rise jeans, and when she asked me how it looks I told her it's nice ... only thing she should do something about those stretch marks on her hips. Now what was wrong with that? It's the truth! But she went ballistic and started screaming in front of everybody ... and you know what she said to me - she told me to FO and marry my mother!

Oh my God, that's bad.

I know man. Lekin ab bahut go gaya ... I've had enough of her bullshit. I'm telling you dude, I wish we could go back to being like those bleddy wild animals they show on Animal Planet - the male sees a female he likes, takes two or three chakkar's around her, sniffs her backside, and if everything is ok, they do it right there and then - fast and furious, and then he just gets up and leaves - kaam khattam! The rest is her problem. Here we have relationships and commitment and what not bleddy rubbish to put up with.

Yeah, we are often the victims of our own evolution.

Shit bleddy evolution ... hasn't helped us in any way; just made life more difficult. Anyway, lets go and get drunk. Saala daaru kabhi dhoka nahin deta!

Okay, we'll go to Club IX ... but just make sure you don't go around asking any women if you can sniff their backsides!

And what if some dame actually agrees ... tumko nanga naachna padenga.

Sure ... if you don't mind seeing my stretch marks! :)