Goddamned Kolhapuri missal! - had me out of action for the better part of three days .... you want to clean out your system, do it cheap with a plate of bludy missal - only 12 bucks! And a damn good job it does too. Reminds me of those days when my mother used to force a spoonful of castor-oil down our throats .... man, that was so awful! I tell you: giving your kids castor-oil should be officially declared as one form of violent child abuse, punishable with the guilty parents having to take 5 tablespoons of the damn thing themselves. That'll teach 'em!

Anyway, I'm better now. Watched KBC-2 on tele last night with my folks and JC. She treated us to kathi-kababs and tandoori chicken, and even bought me a beer. She's a good girl; if only she weren't so damn lazy.

And yesterday was the first time I watched an entire episode of KBC this season. Great Indian Warrior Chief 'Big B' looking good as usual in his Reid & Taylor. Felt real bad for the guy from Chattisgarh who looked like he'd go far, but instead ended up wasting all his lifelines on one question. You know, a little common sense can go far in situations like these .... and being a pretty intelligent guy himself, I don't know how he thought the audience and then his friend would have the answer to a question that he did not have the slightest clue to. He should just have flipped the damn thing ... audience and friend are only for things you're not completely sure about. And frankly that was a very tough question - who the hell would know that Nepal is the only country in the world that has a national flag that is not square (there are square flags?) or rectangular in shape ... seems it's triangular or something! Always were bludy weird buggers, those Nepalese!

Anyway, I'm starting to sound like Merril now. Interesting blog that, btw - quite funny that someone should take the trouble to start a blog dedicated to Warrior Chief and his crorepati's ... just lakhpati's uptil now, anyway.

But Kajol and that Devgan fellow are set to win a crore tonight. I've always liked Kajol ... not as much as I love my Nandita of course. Are all Oriyya girls dark and dusky ('earthy' is the word Pompy once used) like Nandita? Maybe I should log on to shaadi.com and find out. I hear they now have a service that delivers marriage proposals straight to your inbox ... For millions of love-lorn buggers like me, downloading their mail must never have been quite as exciting!

But isn't it something of a mystery that these celebs are always winning big money on KBC?

***

And guess what I saw during the break on KBC yesterday? Yep, yett-another Shahrukh Khan ad - this one for shakkar-paani (aka Pepsi). Seems to me like the Indian advertising industry has decided to go where no one has gone before when it comes to "creativity". What I wouldn't give to be among the brilliant minds diligently at work at JWT (Pepsi's ad agency) .... Hell! I wouldn't mind being a fly outside one of their office windows just to catch a glimpse of pure genius in operation. And I hear those creative director chaps get paid big bucks - talk about having your cake and eating it! Sigh! If wishes were horses...

So this one has our hero in the role of a snake charmer. And as you've probably guessed by now, I just couldn't resist :)

SRK dressed in snake-charmer suit doing his stuff with whatever that flute-like thing is called. A bunch of Pepsi bottles sway rhythmically to his tune. Suddenly he hears a violent, hissing noise coming from the corridor outside. The next moment he is confronted by an angry 22-foot-long giant python, but this one is unlike any python he's seen before. It's head is, well - different!

Oh s-s-SHIT!! Abbe k-k-kaun ... kya hai tu???

Then, what seems like a distant, but familiar voice is heard coming from behind.

It's me, babes.

On closer inspection, he sees none other than his good pal Karan Johar being hoisted up and down like a child's rattle by the serpents rear-end. To his horror he realizes that the python is nothing but Karan's chota bhai - a mammoth version of that very familiar appendage.

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Abbe, yeh kya ... itna bada kaisa ho gaya?? K-k-kya kiya tu?

Kiya toh sab tune, bewakoof! Sapera kaun hai - main ya tu??

Lekin m-m-main toh sirf ... I was just ... Bubbly! ... P-P-Pepsi! ... laundiyan ke kapde uttarne ko-

Haan-haan, lekin itna jor se kyoon bajaya, nalayak! ... tune mere saanp ko bhi neend se utha diya!

K-K-Karan, please usko andar daal do, yaar ... bahut hi khatarnaak dikhta ha!!

Now there is only one way, babes - tumhe isko satisfy karna padenga!

S-S-SATISFY!! ... Pagal ho gaye ho kya? Isko satisfy kiya toh ek mahine ke liye utna-baitna mushkil ho jayenga ... p-p-please Karan, kuch toh karo yaar!!

By now our hero is so stricken by fear, he's gone and wet himself.

Hahahaha, kya baat hai! - peeta Pepsi aur chhodta Mountain Dew! Chalo theek hai babes, this time main isko andar daalta hoon - but say the magic words first.

D-D-Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge?

Abbe gaddhe, tu abhi kuch lene ki baat mat kar! Lene wala hoon sirf main - Teri!

Oh, Stop it Karan - please!! *howling uncontrollably*

Kya tu bhi bacche ke tarah ro raha hai - shame on you! .... Next time don't forget the magic words OK; everybody knows it. Come on, say it with me: "Kabhi Pussy - Kabhi Bum"