Things I did today after a long, long time
-- ate Kolhapuri missal ... the bludy thing was dynamite! My innards are still making funny noises.
-- travelled by public transport. Saw a guy trying to feel-up some chicks' ass ... and actually found it funny. Yeah, I know - I'm a brute like the rest of them.
Aare behen, bus mein itna tight, chaddi-dikhane-wala jeans-pant mat pehna karo!
And waiting at the bus stop brought back memories of Avi (my very first colleague in my very first job) and the time I made the fellow run to catch a moving bus, not knowing he suffered from bludy asthma. After a brief sprint we made it into the bus, but by then he was gasping for breath and making very frightening wheezing noises, and everybody (including me) thought the guy was having a heart attack. The bus being packed to capacity, the conductor (last thing he wanted was someone kicking it in his bus) made me carry him out at the next stop ... but thank God for those asthma pumps - they're a lifesaver.
My thoughts were interrupted by an elderly man waiting next to me who picked up a conversation (why can't people just mind their own business?) and looked like he wanted to find out every damn thing there is to know about yours truly - even asking my age! Maybe he's got a daughter he wants to pack off in a hurry.
Anyhow, to my bad luck (as always!) he turned out to be some kind of evangelist and was mighty glad to learn I was Christian ... though the thought of pretending to be a maniac Shiv-Sainik did cross my mind. I hate bludy evangelists, and he seemed to guess I wasn't interested in anything he had to say, but he proceeded to tell me a story anyway. You gotta hand it to these guys - they never give up! One of these dudes could have done for Jesus the work of all 12 apostles
So this is the story: A guy goes to the Lord and says, "my cross is too damn heavy - please give me a lighter one". The Lord says, "sure, no problem," and then shows him to a room full of crosses and asks him to pick whichever he liked. The guy looks around and after finding all the other crosses way too big and heavy, picks up a tiny one lying near the doorway. "I'll take this one Lord, he says, mighty thrilled". The Lord looks at him and smiles. "My son, that was the one you brought with you
Kaisa bewakoof aadmi tha - khudh ka cross nahin pehchaan saka!
But I didn't say anything. Fortunately for me, I was saved from another story by the arrival of our bus. Standing precariously on the footboard was so much fun!
***
This blog had 182 (one hundred and eighty two!) visitors yesterday. What I'd like to know is: Who the hell are all these people? For a boring place like this, that's a hell of a lot I must say. And even if you take away the one's who came hoping to see little Sania Mirza's bazoomers, and the people I know, that leaves a lot of silent visitors.
And talking of Sania, I say the girl should forget about slogging it out on the tennis courts, and instead just do a center-spread for Playboy magazine, which I reckon should sell, what - 300 million copies in India alone? Playboy might even shift base to Hyderabad! She'll make Playmate of the Century for sure ... and the Sharapova's of this world will wonder what the hell they did wrong.
It seems her celebrity brand-rating has even surpassed that of our big cricketing heroes. Hmmm.... looks like the boys will now have think seriously about performing on the field rather than off it.
And I bet she could give many of our over-paid filmstars a run for their money too. Did you guys catch that Shahrukh Khan Lux soap ad on TV? I say they should have put bum-boy Karan Johar in that bathtub with him ... and targeted the homo's!
SRK and KJ together in bathtub with a bunch of lovely maidens fussing over them.
K-K-K-K-Karan, paani mein susu mat karo yaar, please - it's unhygienic! Tujhe pata hain na, bathtub mein swimming-pool jaisa filter nahin hain, phir bhu tu-
Oh, shut-up bitch! My pee is very clean OK ... I only drink mineral water, not like you - Devdas kahin ka! And what is there if you get a little dirty sometimes ... Main hoon na - tera LUX ;)
Interrupted by the maidens bending down to throw rose petals into the tub, our hero fails to notice that KJ has quietly disappeared underwater ... that is until he feels the barracuda biting the bait.
K-K-K-K-KARAN!!! Abbe kya kar rahe ho?? Stop it ok!! I told you Gauri doesn't like... Karan, not now, please! ... KARAN! Kar-aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Bas-turd!!
The barracuda emerges, joyfully nuzzling his face against our hero's smooth-silken chest.
Now wasn't that good babes :) ... Come on, say it with me: "Nothing-sux-like-LUX!"
-- ate Kolhapuri missal ... the bludy thing was dynamite! My innards are still making funny noises.
-- travelled by public transport. Saw a guy trying to feel-up some chicks' ass ... and actually found it funny. Yeah, I know - I'm a brute like the rest of them.
Aare behen, bus mein itna tight, chaddi-dikhane-wala jeans-pant mat pehna karo!
And waiting at the bus stop brought back memories of Avi (my very first colleague in my very first job) and the time I made the fellow run to catch a moving bus, not knowing he suffered from bludy asthma. After a brief sprint we made it into the bus, but by then he was gasping for breath and making very frightening wheezing noises, and everybody (including me) thought the guy was having a heart attack. The bus being packed to capacity, the conductor (last thing he wanted was someone kicking it in his bus) made me carry him out at the next stop ... but thank God for those asthma pumps - they're a lifesaver.
My thoughts were interrupted by an elderly man waiting next to me who picked up a conversation (why can't people just mind their own business?) and looked like he wanted to find out every damn thing there is to know about yours truly - even asking my age! Maybe he's got a daughter he wants to pack off in a hurry.
Anyhow, to my bad luck (as always!) he turned out to be some kind of evangelist and was mighty glad to learn I was Christian ... though the thought of pretending to be a maniac Shiv-Sainik did cross my mind. I hate bludy evangelists, and he seemed to guess I wasn't interested in anything he had to say, but he proceeded to tell me a story anyway. You gotta hand it to these guys - they never give up! One of these dudes could have done for Jesus the work of all 12 apostles
So this is the story: A guy goes to the Lord and says, "my cross is too damn heavy - please give me a lighter one". The Lord says, "sure, no problem," and then shows him to a room full of crosses and asks him to pick whichever he liked. The guy looks around and after finding all the other crosses way too big and heavy, picks up a tiny one lying near the doorway. "I'll take this one Lord, he says, mighty thrilled". The Lord looks at him and smiles. "My son, that was the one you brought with you
Kaisa bewakoof aadmi tha - khudh ka cross nahin pehchaan saka!
But I didn't say anything. Fortunately for me, I was saved from another story by the arrival of our bus. Standing precariously on the footboard was so much fun!
***
This blog had 182 (one hundred and eighty two!) visitors yesterday. What I'd like to know is: Who the hell are all these people? For a boring place like this, that's a hell of a lot I must say. And even if you take away the one's who came hoping to see little Sania Mirza's bazoomers, and the people I know, that leaves a lot of silent visitors.
And talking of Sania, I say the girl should forget about slogging it out on the tennis courts, and instead just do a center-spread for Playboy magazine, which I reckon should sell, what - 300 million copies in India alone? Playboy might even shift base to Hyderabad! She'll make Playmate of the Century for sure ... and the Sharapova's of this world will wonder what the hell they did wrong.
It seems her celebrity brand-rating has even surpassed that of our big cricketing heroes. Hmmm.... looks like the boys will now have think seriously about performing on the field rather than off it.
And I bet she could give many of our over-paid filmstars a run for their money too. Did you guys catch that Shahrukh Khan Lux soap ad on TV? I say they should have put bum-boy Karan Johar in that bathtub with him ... and targeted the homo's!
SRK and KJ together in bathtub with a bunch of lovely maidens fussing over them.
K-K-K-K-Karan, paani mein susu mat karo yaar, please - it's unhygienic! Tujhe pata hain na, bathtub mein swimming-pool jaisa filter nahin hain, phir bhu tu-
Oh, shut-up bitch! My pee is very clean OK ... I only drink mineral water, not like you - Devdas kahin ka! And what is there if you get a little dirty sometimes ... Main hoon na - tera LUX ;)
Interrupted by the maidens bending down to throw rose petals into the tub, our hero fails to notice that KJ has quietly disappeared underwater ... that is until he feels the barracuda biting the bait.
K-K-K-K-KARAN!!! Abbe kya kar rahe ho?? Stop it ok!! I told you Gauri doesn't like... Karan, not now, please! ... KARAN! Kar-aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Bas-turd!!
The barracuda emerges, joyfully nuzzling his face against our hero's smooth-silken chest.
Now wasn't that good babes :) ... Come on, say it with me: "Nothing-sux-like-LUX!"
1 comment:
ok, really, i wish i could laugh loudly but its 3.30 am and my roomie's asleep. wish i could laugh, though.
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