"The season for spending is here"
Said Gasper in Balthazar's ear:"
Gold, frankincense, myrrh
for the young connoisseur -

The shepherds are bringing the beer."

Nice one, no? :) Got that from the BBC's Lunchtime Limerick page that Aparna, our very own limerick queen had linked to. And I don't call her the limerick queen for nothing - hers is fourth best! (assuming they are in order of best to worst).

***

Ran into good ol' Foxtrot Ally this morning. Poor fellow was looking quite worried again.

What's the matter bro, I asked him

Dude, can you believe, Sandra's (his girlfriend) parents are taking her to a match-fixer tomorrow!

To a what?

Match-fixer dude - those bleddy old aunties who fix marriages ... people also have no kaam-dhandha, I tell you!

Match-maker, you mean.

Whatever yaar! Here I'm bleddy getting tension and you're teaching me English! .... I don't understand why her pop - bleddy old fool - won't accept me. And the worst thing is she is also not putting up any resistance! See these dames how they are - always looking for bleddy greener pastures! I'm telling you dude: some gorilla bugger from Dubai will come with a thick gold chain and nakli Rado and she'll say he's Tom Cruise and go with him. Kya bolneka yaar ... sab paisa paisa paisa!

Hey, you're very good at drawing right? So why don't you take classes and become a professional artist or something. I read in the Times today that one of Francis Newton Souza's paintings got sold for 6.5 Crores!

But Newton Souza is dead now, so what's the use of all that money? The apple should fall from the bleddy tree when you're alive, dude! No-no, I'll have to ask them to make me the team-leader in place of Moushami, otherwise I'm quitting! .... Hey Blues, you want me to fix you up with Moushami, kya? She's totally fida over us Goan buggers ... you know na - thoda guitar-buitar bajaya, how their knees become weak :)

No, don't want bro. Bengali girls are usually too much of a handful.

Haan yaar, woh toh hai ... this Moushami also has big ones!

I said:
all we are
is blips on a radar screen
waiting to touch down

some will make it home safe
others will crash and burn

She said:
what we are
is stars
in the evening sky!

For Dee

I know
that sometimes we must love
those whom we do not love;

and give up what we want
for what we need.

You can live a lie
... but can you fight the truth?

You are the potter
I am the clay

... how many of me will you make
before you master your art?

they say there are plenty
more fish in the sea

... but will they be as big
as the one that got away?

"I'll teach you how to escape death.

... there is a raven in the eastern sea which is called Yitai ("dull-head"). This dull-head cannot fly very high and seems very stupid. It hops only a short distance and nestles close with others of its kind. In going forward it dare not lead, and in going back it dare not lag behind. At the time of feeding, it takes what is left over by the other birds. Therefore, the ranks of this bird are never depleted and nobody can do them any harm. A tree with a straight trunk is the first to be cut down. A well with sweet water is the first to be drawn dry."

-- Taikung Jen, in a conversation with Confucius

from: Fate is the Hunter by Ernest K. Gann

The last thing I'd expect to be doing in sunny Goa is a friggin' blog post, but here I am doing just that. Actually I was just strolling down the main street here at Candolim when I happened to see an I-Way Internet Cafe. And it's airconditioned too! Wow, Goa is getting better. And it's not just an Internet cafe, it's also a Baskin Robbins and US Pizza joint combined. Which is not a bad idea ... I just might grab a bite after I'm done on this machine.

The weather is lovely ... glorious I should say. Lots of firangs (Limeys mostly) , and surprisingly lots of desi's too. I could tell some of them were Bongs - you can't mistake those round faces and specs :)

And why is it that 7 of 10 women I see are bludy fat! No, seriously - saggy lard buckets, the lot of them! But I haven't been down to the beach yet ... hopefully it should be a better scene there.

Y'know, I just love this place. It is so relaxing. I wouldn't mind buying a Bullet and becoming a motorcycle pilot (as they are called here) for the rest of my life. And it's sad to see how many outsiders have made Goa their home. If it were left to me, I'd organise demolition squads and kick these Kashmiri handicraft blighters back to goddamned Srinagar!

Adios then. More from Goa later.

Peace, love and sand in your shoes.

I wonder what goes through the mind of a person who faces the prospect of a very long prison sentence. Like Abu Salem. He'll have plenty of time to think about what he's done - the mistakes; the errors in judgment; the foolishness. And surely he knew what the consequences of his actions would be, ultimately - so why'd he do it?

Was he mad ... or just misguided?

And how many of the decisions we make in our lives are the result of being misguided? Should we be put away too ... or are we excused because our mistakes didn't hurt anybody but ourselves?

***

They say that when a person is confined to a tiny cell, he tends to move around a lot more than he would have, had he been confined in a larger enclosure.

The same is also true of the mind, I guess. When there are fewer options, you start to get more innovative.

***

I got thinking about Victor today. I will never forget Victor. He is probably the only person I have been mean to in my entire life. And I remember it like it happened yesterday. We were both in Class 1 at the Holy Name High School, Wodehouse Road (Bombay). It was short recess and there was a long line at the canteen, and I wanted me a packet of those multi-colored badishap sweets. Not wanting to waste my time waiting in the queue, I spotted Victor hanging around. So I made him a deal. If he went to the canteen and got me those sweets, I'd share half of it with him. He was a poor boy, that Victor, and so the prospect of getting half a packet of those for free was too good to resist. So he goes to the canteen, stands in line, and after what seemed like ages comes back with the goods. And what do I do - I take the sweets from him and tell him to get lost. And he was smaller than me, so he couldn't start a fight.

It's been so many years since that day, but I still remember that look on his face. He trusted me ... and I cheated him.

The victims may forget, but never the perpetrators.

Peace, love, and a chance to say you're sorry.

It's happened again! What is it with these Bombay police constables doing nasty things to little girls .... well, not so little, but still. I say the Police Commissioner should work out a deal with the brothel owners in the city to let his men have a session once or twice every month (or every week if the urge is that intense) with the ladies at discounted rates! At least that way the rag-pickers will be able to go about their business in peace.

***

Read in the ET today that Coca-Cola India's bank accounts have been attached by the Income Tax Dept. (those IT guys sure have lot of fun, I tell you). Coke, apparently, has spent more than what appears reasonable on advertising and marketing (and tried to claim everything as genuine business expense making it eligible for deduction). Well, I'm sure they have .... how much did they pay Rhithik that time - 7 crores?

What a waste! But why do these companies think we'll buy their rubbish just because some filmistar is endorsing it? Beats me.

***

My sweetheart Angelina is slated to be the new Bond babe! Hell yeah! And I say they should have made Brad (Pitt) the naya Bond, not that weird looking Limey.

But don't you think our man Rhithik would have made a terrific Bond .... his deadly dance moves would be enough to drive away the bad guys - no need for any fancy gadgets or fortified BMW's. Think of all the money MI6 would save!

BFN.

I've always enjoyed reading everything Sonia's written, but her recent series of articles on the lives of Bombay's dance-bar girls, who are now being abused more than they ever were, are simply outstanding. I think everyone should read this.

My cousin Q was telling me what a huge nuisance these girls have become in Goa. They are everywhere, he says. To make matter worse, they pose as tourists and look and dress like regular girls making it very tough to recognize them, hence the Goa police find themselves in quite a fix.

.... Which goes to show that you cannot solve a problem simply by making it go away. But was it really a problem for the city of Mumbai - having these girls doing what they do? I ask this because our man Q tells me that in Goa it is not the Goans who are utilising their services - it is mostly their former patrons from Mumbai .... who are now forced to travel 600 kilometers only because their favourite source of entertainment has gone south!

They say that behind everything the poiliticians do, there is a motive - a hidden agenda designed to benefit only themselves. In this case I wonder what it could be.

***

CiW's latest post talks of something quite intriguing - it seems the Navratri festivities also serve as a means, or as a front, I should say, for people to get some "action". Well, well, well ... who would have thought?

.... And to think the cultural police say things like Valentines Day are detrimental to our culture/values.

all you need is love, love
love is all you need

***

Ran into my buddy Ally yesterday evening. He was quite flattered when I told him that I've seen links to this blog that read "Ally & Blues"

Says he's doing everything possible to convince Sandra's folks that he's the right guy for their daughter, but old man Dias will only settle for someone who is in The Gulf or in Canada/Australia/New Zealand, if not the US. The fact that he's probably earning more at his call-centre than many of our buggers in Dubai is immaterial.

And he's very disappointed at not getting a chance to be on KBC-2 ... the money would have tilted things in his favour with Sandra's pop. I guess he's just got shit luck like me

But can you imagine our man Ally on KBC?

Big B: Pehla sawaal, ek hazaar rupiyan ke liya. Are you ready Ally?
Ally: I'm ready dude.
Big B: Which of these body parts do women usually not wax -- (A) Arms (B) Legs (C) Back (D) Buttocks?
Ally: *somewhat confused* Mein lifeline use karenga - Phone a friend!
Big B: Theek hai, Computerji, Sandra Dias ko phone laga dijiye.

... tring, tring ...

Sandra: Hullo...
Big B: Hello, is this Sandra Dias? Namaste, main Amitabh Bachchan bol raha hoon - Kaun Banega Crorepati se. Mere samne hot-seat mein aapka dost Ally baita hai , and he needs your help. Agli awaaz aap Ally ki sunenge. You have only 30 seconds, your time starts - now.
Ally: Pudding, which of these body parts....
Sandra: Buttocks!
Ally: Are you sure sweety?
Sandra: Of course I'm sure yaar!
Ally: ...arre, but I remember once you told me you-
Sandra: Just shut your gob and lock buttocks, fool!
Ally: OK dude, it's buttocks.
Big-B: Computerji, buttocks ko taala laga dijiye. Right answer! Aap ek hazaar jeet gaye!

*Applause*

Big-B: Doosra sawaal, teen hazaar rupayon ke liye - Which of these states was declared the Number One state in India by India Today magazine: (A) Karnataka (B) Punjab (C) Goa (D) Maharashtra?
Ally: Goa, Goa!!
Big-B: Are you sure? ... confident? ... lock karoon? You still have two lifelines left.
Ally: Just lock it dude, my Goa is bleddy Number One!
Big-B: Computerji, please aap Goa ko taala lagao. Ohhhhh, I'm so sorry Ally, but that is the wrong answer. It is Punjab.
Ally: What shit man??? how can it be - bleddy balle-balle buggers! Impossible ... tera computer main virus hai kya?
Big-B: But why did you say Goa of all places? ... Aisa kya hai Goa main?
Ally: You said Number One, dude -- in Goa the booze flows like piss!

Big-B: I think I definitely need a break from this.