How many times can you forgive someone for treating you like garbage? You can do it once, twice, maybe even the third time. But when they do it again, you gotta ask yourself, -- Do I really need this? It's heartbreaking losing a friend, more so when it's someone you've known a long time and shared so much with. Even more when it's someone you love. Or thought you loved. Until you realize they don't know what love is. And probably never will.

***

As I get older my head seems to be turning into this big repository of memories. I have frequent flashbacks of things like the first girl I had a crush on in school. She was a gentle, kind human being, unlike so many I've encountered since. I also remember all the wonderful music that I grew up with, which shaped me in more ways than I can think of. And now that the world is in the grip of darkness, and life as we know it will probably never be the same again, it's only these happy recollections that keep me going. 

***

I don't really want to talk about lockdown and isolation and social distancing which are the words on everybody's lips right now. Because it doesn't matter anymore. And frankly it doesn't affect me all that much. I've always been a loner, quite happy in my own company. Funny thing is sometimes even a loner needs someone to be alone with. Confusing as that may sound. 

***

I'm glad I started writing again. This little space on the www has brought me in contact with so many people, all of who I cherish, and some that I've had to forgive more than once, and probably will again, if they'd only say the word. One of the things this pandemic has taught us is that life is more fragile and shorter than we think. Too short to keep grudges. Too short not to forgive. Because love is greater than all the ingratitude and ugliness in the world.

***

One of my favourite songs, which again brings back a flood of memories. Ever wonder what it's like to sail all alone in a tiny little boat, just the water below you and the sky above. That's what love is in a way. Love is not having company on the trip, love is that little boat that keeps you from sinking to the bottom. Love is something you trust your life with. Sad how we get it so wrong so often.

From 1975, Rod Stewart - Sailing.