The Barcelona Gipsy Klezmer Orchestra plays in the background as I type this at a half past midnight. Music that I find completely tantalizing. The underplayed energy of vocalist Sandra Sangiao along with the magnificence of Robindro Nikolic on clarinet is a treat to the ears. 

***

Something I've come to realize this year is how seriously messed up so many of the people I know are. Not that I hate them for it or love them any less, but it has made me retreat more and more into my state of lonerliness. Yes, that's a word  I coined for myself. To describe someone who at the end of the day realizes he's happiest being a loner but misses the company all the same.   

But how do people get so messed up? Is it that they just don't know what the hell they want in life, or are they simply that impatient to get whatever it is they do want, they end up in a very bad place. A place difficult to get out of or away from.  

***

The years have hardened me I think. Because I am turning into that person who can sympathize with another but at the same time just doesn't care. You dig your grave you lie in it, as my father used to tell us. It is not my job to get you out of it or to breathe life into you. Because honestly I'm having a hard enough time staying alive myself.

Does that make me a bad person? Maybe it does. Or maybe I am just a little messed up myself. 

***

To keep playing the same record I usually do, I don't know how January and February turned into bludy October. Another year nearly wrapped up. Once again with reused wrapping paper.  

Djelem djelem.